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The Demise of Marriage and How to Avoid It

POSTED: May 22, 2014 10:00 a.m.
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When I say, I'll never leave you, I don't just mean I'll never divorce you. I mean, I will choose every day to make this marriage the best it can be.

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Marriage is one of those remarkable institutions that a vast number of people want to be a part of at some time in their life. The majority of people who marry don’t begin their marriage thinking of its demise, yet divorce is all too common.
As a writer, when I think of the demise of a character, it is premeditated, calculated and planned. But the demise of a marriage is much different. The death of a marriage creeps in slowly, like a ghost, and is often undetected. The demise of marriage comes when one or both parties deliberately cease to think about the other. Just this one inaction repeated over and over again has the ability to completely destroy a marriage.
Consider this, if your thoughts are always on your spouse and his/her well-being, you will be aware of his/her needs and looking for ways to fill them. If your thoughts are always on your spouse, your thoughts will not be lingering on others who you may be attracted to. If your thoughts are always on your spouse and what you can do for him/her, you are not feeling sorry for yourself for what they are not doing for you. And if your thoughts are always on your spouse, thinking of his/her good qualities and being grateful for the love that you share, you will more often than not find joy and happiness in your marriage.
Here is a list of thoughtful habits couples can keep in order to avoid the demise of marriage.
Use post-it notes: Post-it notes are relatively cheap and you can stick them anywhere. They are a great way to share a loving thought. Stick one on the mirror before work, in a lunch box, on a car windshield, on the refrigerator, in a book or on a computer. Make a goal to write one note a day and leave it for your spouse to find.
Remember date night: Make sure to have a date night each week. If you can’t leave the house, put the kids to bed early and make dinner together at home. Couple time is important. It breathes life into a marriage that otherwise may be stagnate.
Serve one another: Serving your spouse keeps her needs constantly in your mind. Make a commitment to do one act of service for your spouse every day beyond what you normally do. If you serve daily, your thoughts will be constantly drawn to him. To serve someone is to love him.
Take time to cuddle: Make time for cuddling every night. It is something you can look forward to throughout the day and treasure in your thoughts the next morning. Studies have shown that cuddling helps to relieve depression. In other words, it makes people happy. Happy people have happy marriages.
Be Positive: When speaking to others about your significant other, always be positive. It is sometimes easy to get into a place where you want to bad talk your spouse, especially when the person you are talking to is talking bad about her's. But resist the temptation. Speaking bad of your spouse will only lead your thoughts further down a road of destruction. Even worse, the person you are talking to will now be your comrade in arms.
Accentuate the good: I’ll be the first to admit that I have a million and one flaws, maybe even more. But my husband has never ever called me on them in a vindictive way, not even once. He has always pointed out the good, lifted me up, encouraged me and helped me see the good in myself, especially when I was only seeing the bad. Of course, there have been times when he has had to lovingly remind me of my flaws when my stubbornness sometimes gets the best of me, but it has always been in a kind and loving way and for my sake never for his own gratification.
Forgive: One of the greatest things that we can do for our spouse is show forgiveness. It doesn’t help that our spouse is always on our mind if we are always thinking of them in a negative way. The thoughts we have need to be positive in order to be effective and uplifting in marriage. In order to have positive thoughts, it is essential we learn to forgive. It is the only way a marriage can survive.
The demise of marriage does not have to come to your marriage if you take the time to remember the one person you promised to love and cherish. How interesting it is to me that the word cherish, according to the Merriam online dictionary, literally means to remember.  Tiffany Fletcher, author of "Mother Had a Secret: Learning to Love my Mother and her Multiple Personalities" http://motherhadasecret.blogspot.com/

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