We’ve all seen them: church signs with messages on their marquees that make us stop in our tracks. Some are inspiring, and some are humorous. The best ones are both. Then some are hilarious without intending to be, like the one that read, “Don’t Let Worries Kill You. Let the Church Help,” or the one that said, “Revival Cancelled Due to Illness, Service As Usual.” And, sadly, some are crude and mean-spirited, but this is a humor column, so I won’t quote any examples.

One guy set up a web page, www.churchsigngenerator.com/churchsigns.php for people to e-mail him pictures of funny signs. Here’s few of my favorites in his collection. Be ye not offended:

“Now Open on Sundays. Come On In.”

“God Doesn’t Have A Plan B.”

“Now Taking Reservations: Smoking or Non-Smoking?”

“Jesus Died for ‘My Space’ in Heaven”

“God Expects Spiritual Fruit, Not Religious Nuts”

“Easter is More than Something to Dye For”

“Church Parking Only- Violators Will Be Baptized”

“The Church is a Gift from God-Some Assembly Required”

“A Lot of Money Is Tainted-It Taint Yours and It Taint Mine”

“God Does Not Believe in Atheists, Therefore Atheists Do Not Exist”

“Body Piercing Saved My Life”

“Our Church is Like Fudge-Sweet with a Few Nuts”

“If Evolution Were True, Mothers Would Have 3 Arms”

“Satan- The Fat Lady Is About to Sing!”

I guess the reason church signs are so interesting is because church is all about communicating a message about how people can have a meaningful life through faith in Jesus, and go to Heaven. We call this message “the gospel.” We refer to the Bible as “the Word of God,” because it is God’s perfect, inspired message. In fact, Jesus Himself is called “the Word” in the first chapter of the Gospel of John, because Jesus brought the message straight from God to mankind. A church marquee can’t explain the message in detail, but it can point people in the right direction. Maybe that’s why my favorite church sign says, “Free Trip to Heaven-Details Inside.”

(Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read my blog at www.holyhumor.blogspot.com.)