During school hours, when children are in class, how loud are you allowed to honk your horn? A. Not above the drone of the teachers. B. Not at all. C. It doesn’t matter; the kids are all playing on their iPads and won’t notice a thing around them.

If you are uncertain of your physical, mental or emotional state and how it would impact your driving, you should: A. Take two aspirin and go to bed. B. Run away and join the Foreign Legion. C. Drive a school bus – that’ll either kill or cure you.

It is permissible to drive on the left half of the roadway: A. When no one is looking. B. When YOU are not looking. C. When passing a car full of punks who think they own the highway.

On a two-way street, uphill curb parking mandates: A. Your steering wheel be removed and stored in the trunk. B. Your steering wheel be wearing a seatbelt. C. Your right rear tire have enough air pressure to handle a sudden cyclone.

The recommended technique for parallel parking is to: A. Find another parking spot. B. Double park. C. Turn your wheels completely sideways and drive on in.

Use your lights anytime conditions keep you from: A. Jumping to conclusions. B. Sliding into first. C. Avoiding the Titanic.

Unless otherwise posted, the speed limit in a residential area is: A. Ridiculous. B. Expressed in Roman numerals. C. Painted on an ice cream truck.

When approached by an oncoming vehicle, the driver must immediately: A. Play Chicken. B. Abandon the wheel and dial 911. C. Test out the sidewalk for further travel.

Do not pass: A. Bad checks. B. School bus drivers hitchhiking. C. Kidney stones.

If operating a vehicle equipped with antilock brakes, you should: A. Keep quiet about it. B. Pump the brakes when they go flat. C. Don’t drive on icy, wet, overly dry, cracked, or unmarked pavement.

In regards to rail safety: A. Make sure it’s a Lionel. B. Look both ways before stealing a box car. C. Approaching trains are always later and slower than you can stand.Delete-Merge Up

When you pull away from the curb: A. Make sure you’re in a car. B. Make sure the car is yours. C. Make sure there is a street.

Keep your motor running if: A. It’s a bank job. B. A policeman asks you where’s the fire. C. Gas prices dip below three dollars again.

Tim lives in Provo, Utah. He is the proud father of eight children. A former circus clown, he currently works in social media and edits the political humor blog http://iwritetheblogggs.com/ He can be contacted at torkythai911@gmail.com