It was Mothers Day morning, and I was two miles into a 10-mile run, and I was feeling torn.
Its Mothers Day, I thought. What kind of message am I sending my children if the only gift I ask for on this day that signifies my role as their mother is to go for a run without them? Will they think that I dont love them or want to be around them? Will they think that I dont like being a mom?
I debated turning back, but something in me switched, and everything in my body told me that I needed this my children needed this.
And as I looked out at the straight road ahead of me that seemed to lead to nowhere, yet everywhere all at the same time, I settled in and ran. I could have gone forever.
It had been several days since Id gone for a run. Between soccer practices, games, track meets and other extracurricular activities, I was not able to get out at all. When I did, it was a mile or two around the block before heading out to take the kids to where they needed to go, or to fix a meal, nurse a baby, clean the house. You know, the usual routine with eight kids.
And I was OK with it. I chose to have this many children, and Im so glad that they are involved in things that they love. I had faith that I would live to run another day, and I was happy to wait my turn.
Yet, as I did, and as the weekend approached, my engine was being revved. I felt like a caged dog who needed to either fight or run away for my very survival. And when I finally got my turn to run, I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran.
The thing about the route I chose was that it was an out and back on a paved parkway that went for miles in either direction. And as I looked out ahead of me, there seemed to be no end in sight. And thats just what I needed.
I needed to look ahead of me to see that I could go forever if I wanted to. I needed to feel like I was escaping, in order to satisfy that very real urge that we all feel from time to time. I needed to leave my stresses behind even for an hour or two just long enough to tell my mind that what I was running from wasn't life threatening or scary.
I needed to get to that point where my mind and body were on autopilot, so that I could be in the moment and not worry about what was behind or ahead of me. And in that moment, I was grateful. I was grateful for my husband and my children, and for the time they had given me to figure that out.
Has this or any other run made me a better mother? Im not sure. The verdict is still out on that one. All I know is that sometimes a mom just has to run away to help iron out the kinks and put things in perspective.
Yes, even on Mothers Day.
Its Mothers Day, I thought. What kind of message am I sending my children if the only gift I ask for on this day that signifies my role as their mother is to go for a run without them? Will they think that I dont love them or want to be around them? Will they think that I dont like being a mom?
I debated turning back, but something in me switched, and everything in my body told me that I needed this my children needed this.
And as I looked out at the straight road ahead of me that seemed to lead to nowhere, yet everywhere all at the same time, I settled in and ran. I could have gone forever.
It had been several days since Id gone for a run. Between soccer practices, games, track meets and other extracurricular activities, I was not able to get out at all. When I did, it was a mile or two around the block before heading out to take the kids to where they needed to go, or to fix a meal, nurse a baby, clean the house. You know, the usual routine with eight kids.
And I was OK with it. I chose to have this many children, and Im so glad that they are involved in things that they love. I had faith that I would live to run another day, and I was happy to wait my turn.
Yet, as I did, and as the weekend approached, my engine was being revved. I felt like a caged dog who needed to either fight or run away for my very survival. And when I finally got my turn to run, I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran.
The thing about the route I chose was that it was an out and back on a paved parkway that went for miles in either direction. And as I looked out ahead of me, there seemed to be no end in sight. And thats just what I needed.
I needed to look ahead of me to see that I could go forever if I wanted to. I needed to feel like I was escaping, in order to satisfy that very real urge that we all feel from time to time. I needed to leave my stresses behind even for an hour or two just long enough to tell my mind that what I was running from wasn't life threatening or scary.
I needed to get to that point where my mind and body were on autopilot, so that I could be in the moment and not worry about what was behind or ahead of me. And in that moment, I was grateful. I was grateful for my husband and my children, and for the time they had given me to figure that out.
Has this or any other run made me a better mother? Im not sure. The verdict is still out on that one. All I know is that sometimes a mom just has to run away to help iron out the kinks and put things in perspective.
Yes, even on Mothers Day.
