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Keeping family even closer
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I shuddered while reading some online news the other day. I mean, a lot of it makes me shudder on a daily basis, but some stories really just go beyond the pale.

Take for instance: Michael Egan of Stone Lake, Wisconsin.

Now, here is the case of a man who lived with his mother and not only didn’t want to let go when she passed away, but kept her corpse fresh and sweet under plastic, a sleeping bag and some treated rags. 

The rags were soaked in some kind of solution that preserved her body.

Where and how did he know how to make that solution? I mean, what does it take? Baking soda and vinegar? Turpentine? Salt? I have no idea because preserving a loved one in my living room has never, and I mean never, even crossed my mind.

One of my family drops dead? They’re gone. Out. Haul the carcass out, ’cause I am not that attached to it.

What happened is that the postal clerk alerted police when the mail had not been picked up for several days.

Michael was found dead in his bedroom and had apparently been deceased for about a week.

Cadaver dogs were brought in and his momma was found on the couch, buried under his homemade shroud.

Talk about fuh reeky.

And never mind stuh inky.

He had been collecting her Social Security checks for a number of years, and it was speculated that she had been dead approximately six years.


Just exactly how nuts are you that you can sit next to the corpse on the sofa and watch "Family Feud"?

It is just mindboggling.

I was telling Hubs and The Kid about it, because it was kind of like an episode of "Hoarders": Hard to believe that people really do live that way.

I said, "Well, I hope you never do that kind of thing to me, Kiddo."

"Oh no, Mother," he said with just a tinge of creepiness, "I have a special place for you out in the garden...".

We all laughed but it immediately brought to mind "The Tomato Patch Murders" that occurred out in Ludowici some years back.

You know the story ... the young boy kills off Grandpa and buries him out in the ‘mater patch cause he’s been abused by the old man for most of his life and finally had had enough.

Or so he contends.

Still, wrapping up the 95-year-old momma and soaking her in towels every day ... wow. That’s a major commitment.

I guess he felt like he owed her something since he was living off of her Social Security checks.

And while the media is all concerned about riots breaking out here like they are in London because of the rich folks getting tax breaks, I think what’s more likely to happen is that folks will start doing the same thing ol’ Mr. Egan was doing.

Cadavers will be hanging from the rafters because families will want to continue to get granny and grampa’s Social Security checks.

Everyone knows how quick the vultures from the government come swoopin’ in when they catch wind that someone has died.

How much money did they have and how much can we tax?

Why should the government get one red penny when someone dies? I know there are ways to circumvent it, but I haven’t done my homework yet.

Reminds me of Duchess Broomhilda from Spain, who the media said "gave away her money in order to marry her considerably younger boyfriend."

She did not give her money away, she gifted it to her children to shut them up about it. They were having hissy fits that their mother was planning to marry a much younger man and were afraid he would get all the dosh and a couple of castles.

She gave her castles and most of the money to the kids.

"Now shut the heck up and let me get down to biz!"

However, I seriously doubt she was planning to be penniless when marrying her little cub (he’s 64).

If you caught a glimpse of her, you know he was marrying her for her money and not for her looks.

I doubt she has a heart of gold, but she most assuredly has gold somewhere!

I don’t have the good fortune to be a duchess of anything, and I sure don’t have castles or lots of money to bestow unto my child.

I know he loves me very much, but hopefully not to the point of wrapping me in gauze and mummifying me so he’ll have someone to watch "Seinfeld" with.


I don’t have to worry about him doing that for my Social Security checks though because by the time I’m even eligible for it, it will probably be a thing of the past.

It’s just something I do not expect to ever get.

The government has been taking little pieces of me here and there over the years and doling it out to others who either also put into it or are part of some entitlement program that I never got to sign up for.

Oh well.

Better for Duchess Broomhilda to be the one carrying the load of being a wealthy old lady.

She better be careful though, ’cause Junior was her landscaper for many years.

And he knows all the good places to hide a body.