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The Weekly World News
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Well well well. It’s been quite the weekend.

First, Madonna kicks off her tour in Wales by comparing McCain to the likes of Hitler and Mugabe, to which the McCain camp quickly jumped on defense. They should have let it go. After all, no one in the United States would have given a rat’s except that the media got hold of it and played it up like Madonna is some icon. She’s an idiot, and the McCain camp should have gaffed it off and not paid her one iota of attention. At the age of 50, yes, I said 50, scantily clad Madonna is a hack and a has-been. Granted, she has made gobs of money from her semi-illustrious career, but who cares about her anymore? Certainly political figures ought to just downplay all that garbola that she spews. Ain’t worth it. I mean, come on. She’s trottin’ across the stage trying to get people to buy into her still being able to sing, “Like a Virgin”? I think not. She’s a tired old act. Rode hard and put up wet, as the saying goes. Stay in London, cause we don’t want you back, honey.

Next up is Richard Cooey, an inmate on Ohio’s death row, who claims that he is ‘too fat’ to be executed. Dude. You only weigh 267 pounds. Probably the same weight as the two college students you murdered back in 1986 put together. Again, our prison system needs a major overhaul. If this guy is getting too fat in prison and there are so many kids going hungry in our country, somethin’ ain’t right. Start taking away some of his meal privileges and get him back down to executin’ weight. Call me, I’ll come tap the syringe.

And what about poor ol’ Ebony Garcia in NYC, getting stabbed to death while neighbors ignored her screams? One neighbor said, “I thought she was drunk.” Well, OK. I see where that neighbor is coming from cause y’all know —Drunk Unk. He does the same thing. Starts boozin’ it up and all hell breaks loose. His neighbors have started to ignore him, too. Just sad that someone could have stepped in and possibly saved her young life. You grow cold living in a big city where you have wicked things going on all around you all the time. Too bad. God bless her.

Then there is the plane crash in Moab, Utah. Ten people killed when their plane crashed just after takeoff. Nine of them worked at a skin cancer clinic in Cedar City, Utah, which is just a small little town about 45 miles north of St. George. The pilot was also killed. What a shock for that little town. Cedar City is world reknowned for its Shakespeare Festival.

Lovely little place that will have a hard time recovering.

And what about that fella over in Long County that started bonkin’ people on the head with a hammer? First his wife, then the wife’s brother and his wife...he was upset cause the wife wouldn’t go buy him beer. I guess they’ll know better next time, but that was taking it a bit to the extreme, dontcha think? Holy mackerel, somebody get that man a six-pack! Better yet, hide the tool bag first.

People are just about as messed up as they’re allowed to be.

I’m still shakin’ my head over that chick in Massachusetts that wrote a book about being a little Jewish girl during WW2 ... lived with wolves to survive ... killed a Nazi soldier in self-defense ... walked 3,000 miles across Europe in search of her parents ... had the book translated into 18 languages, it was made into a film in France, had Disney and Oprah looking at it ... but strangely, it only sold 5,000 copies in the United States. Hmm. Turns out the book was fake. Fake fake fake. She was a little Catholic girl who went to school in Belgium.

Hey, if she was clever enough to pass it off as the real thing, so be it. Her agent, however, owes her $35 million.

Good luck gettin’ that, sister!

Right up there with that igmo who wrote “A Million Little Pieces” that Oprah just fawned all over and raved about in her book club, then had to suck all that hot wind back in when she found out it was a fake. Fake fake fake.

Then there’s that gal up in Atlanta who had a husband and a live-in boyfriend. She and the husband were gittin’ jiggy with it and the boyfriend got jealous. He demanded to be let into the bedroom where the festivities were being held, and he and the husband duked it out. They ended up going to jail. When she was last contacted by a reporter, the wife/galpal she said she had company over and could they call her back later?


She’s 34, the husband is 24, and the boyfriend is 21. Are you kidding me? Who does she think she is? Madonna?