Question:
I read your News Years article about all people having the same value, but I frankly disagree. People who hurt others, destroy property or cause trouble are bad people and those who work hard and do right things are good people. I also disagree with those who want to give a trophy to every kid, so no one loses or feels bad, and I think you are in that camp saying that virtuous choices dont mean anything and we should all be treated the same regardless of our behavior. How can I teach my children to be good people if they have the same value either way?
Answer:
Let me explain my philosophy a different way and see if it makes more sense. There are definitely human beings who behave in a more responsible, mature, kind, law-abiding (conscientious) way than others, but are they intrinsically of more worth than other people?
I personally would classify them as "more conscientious beings," not as having more intrinsic value. Can you see the difference?
I believe there are basically two mindset options when it comes to seeing the value of people.
This doesn't mean we trust everyone or want to hang out with everyone but it does mean we respect everyone.
Let me explain this using the sports analogy you mentioned, because I agree with you that the winners should get the trophies. Having winners and losers in a game is healthy and teaches kids to work hard and roll with the punches in life, but they should also be taught that winning doesnt make you intrinsically better than the losers. It just means you worked harder, were blessed with more athletic ability, or had parents who spent more time practicing with you. That is why you won, but winning does not make you more deserving of respect or kindness. You still have the same intrinsic value as the losers.
Your hard work and conscientiousness will pay off and benefit you in life, but your virtuous behavior does not make other people less than you. They are just "less conscientious" than you. They are in a different place in their journey.
It is really important that children learn this correctly, because if they start thinking that those who win are better than those who lose, this can bleed over into seeing people who are different from them as less than them. It is a short jump from seeing the T-ball team that lost as less than you, to seeing those of a different color, or who live in a different neighborhood, or who go to a different church, as less than you.
I think when you said you wanted to teach your children to be "good people" you werent talking about their value being higher than others, you were talking about them being conscientious, responsible, kind people who are driven by moral values and principles. This is something it would serve all of us to work on and teach our children, but it doesnt involve being better than anyone else.
It is about virtues and principles not value and worth. We must work on being good people without looking down on people who arent working on it yet. That is the trick.
Here are some rules for being a conscientious human to practice and teach your children:
In my New Years article I talked about changing yourself and changing the world. I still believe you are either part of the solution or youre part of the problem, and the problems on this planet wont be solved by pointing fingers at others. They will be solved by working on YOU the only person you have any control over.
Robert S. Hartman said, The good takes time; one cannot be good in a hurry. This is why peace will not come through so-called strong men. They look for easy and fast solutions. It will come through men of patience, compassion and humility men of faith.
You are the solution and you can do this!
I read your News Years article about all people having the same value, but I frankly disagree. People who hurt others, destroy property or cause trouble are bad people and those who work hard and do right things are good people. I also disagree with those who want to give a trophy to every kid, so no one loses or feels bad, and I think you are in that camp saying that virtuous choices dont mean anything and we should all be treated the same regardless of our behavior. How can I teach my children to be good people if they have the same value either way?
Answer:
Let me explain my philosophy a different way and see if it makes more sense. There are definitely human beings who behave in a more responsible, mature, kind, law-abiding (conscientious) way than others, but are they intrinsically of more worth than other people?
I personally would classify them as "more conscientious beings," not as having more intrinsic value. Can you see the difference?
I believe there are basically two mindset options when it comes to seeing the value of people.
- The first philosophy says human beings must prove their intrinsic and extrinsic value, because they are both in question. I call this a Life is a Test mindset. This mindset implies that extrinsic factors like performance and appearance determine a persons intrinsic worth. When we have this mindset we tend to compare, judge and criticize others and even cast people (especially people who are different) as worse than us, in an effort to feel better about ourselves. This mindset creates a subconscious class system of sorts, where we feel better when we classify others as worse, which can lead to discrimination, racism, arrogance, hate and mistreatment.
- The second philosophy is the Life is a Classroom mindset. This mindset says that all human beings have the same intrinsic value, which never changes and is not on the line. It says that all people deserve compassion and respect because of their intrinsic worth. Even if some people are better educated or are taught to be conscientious beings, while others arent given this advantage, they still have the same intrinsic worth. The classroom philosophy says that you can have infinite, absolute, intrinsic value and still have lots to learn on the extrinsic level.
This doesn't mean we trust everyone or want to hang out with everyone but it does mean we respect everyone.
Let me explain this using the sports analogy you mentioned, because I agree with you that the winners should get the trophies. Having winners and losers in a game is healthy and teaches kids to work hard and roll with the punches in life, but they should also be taught that winning doesnt make you intrinsically better than the losers. It just means you worked harder, were blessed with more athletic ability, or had parents who spent more time practicing with you. That is why you won, but winning does not make you more deserving of respect or kindness. You still have the same intrinsic value as the losers.
Your hard work and conscientiousness will pay off and benefit you in life, but your virtuous behavior does not make other people less than you. They are just "less conscientious" than you. They are in a different place in their journey.
It is really important that children learn this correctly, because if they start thinking that those who win are better than those who lose, this can bleed over into seeing people who are different from them as less than them. It is a short jump from seeing the T-ball team that lost as less than you, to seeing those of a different color, or who live in a different neighborhood, or who go to a different church, as less than you.
I think when you said you wanted to teach your children to be "good people" you werent talking about their value being higher than others, you were talking about them being conscientious, responsible, kind people who are driven by moral values and principles. This is something it would serve all of us to work on and teach our children, but it doesnt involve being better than anyone else.
It is about virtues and principles not value and worth. We must work on being good people without looking down on people who arent working on it yet. That is the trick.
Here are some rules for being a conscientious human to practice and teach your children:
- See life as a classroom. You are on this planet to grow, learn, develop your character and especially to learn to love God, life, yourself and other people. Every experience you encounter is here to teach you something.
- Understand that you have a unique set of classes. Everyone on the planet is in their own unique classroom journey. There will never be another person who gets the same journey as you, so comparing yourself with others makes no sense. Also remember that you have no idea what another person's journey has been like.
- Be responsible for yourself. Work hard to take care of your own needs and don't expect others to take care of you. Clean up your messes, pay your bills, do the work assigned to you and take care of your things. (Having said that, conscientious people also ask for help when they need it and give help to others.)
- Be respectful. Respect the rights of other people. Dont do anything that takes from others. Respect their property, their time, their opinions and their feelings. Be on time. Dont deface or destroy things that dont belong to you. Dont steal or say disrespectful things. You dont have to agree with the opinions of others, but you do have to honor and respect their right to think and live the way they do.
- Be kind. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness (make this the core principle of your life). Make sure you apologize when you do wrong, say please and thank you, and acknowledge the people around you. Never say or do anything that is cruel, hurtful, harmful or degrading toward any other being (human or animal). This says more about your character than anything else.
- Be honest and keep commitments. People would rather hear the truth, even if it hurts, is boring or is bad news. Be genuine, own your mistakes, accept yourself as you are, and expect others to do the same. If you commit to be somewhere or do something, do it. If you dont think you can do it, dont commit. Understand that people can feel dishonesty (in your energy) even if they dont know you are lying. Being an honest person will create a positive, confident energy people are drawn to.
- Trust the process of life. The universe is a wise teacher and it will always deliver the perfect lessons you need. Some of these lessons will be painful, but you will suffer more if you resist them. Accept them as your perfect classroom and work on figuring out the lesson. The sooner you learn the lesson, the quicker you can move on. If you dont get the lesson, it will repeat until you do.
- Be patient. This is part of trusting the process of life. The universe knows what its doing, and waiting is sometimes your perfect journey. Be patient with people and remember that a slower process of learning doesnt make them less than you.
- Be a giver. Look for ways to give, lift, help and serve other people. Give compliments, appreciation, acts of kindness, donate to good causes, let other cars merge in, hold doors open for people, and give good tips. There is a universal law called "You get what you give. The more you give, the more the universe will send abundance and love your way. Be a giver and you will be rich.
- Be a forgiver. Of course you will experience some anger, but dont live there. Be quick to allow others to make mistakes, be imperfect and need more education, because you do too. Remember that offenses are in your life to help you grow and become wiser, stronger and more loving. Figure out how an offense (against you) served your education and it will be easier to let it go. Remember when you allow others to have 'intrinsic value' even though they make mistakes, you will have that same standard for yourself. Good forgivers always have good self-esteem. If your self-esteem is bad, practice forgiving.
- Treat everyone as an equal. Do this because you understand the principle of intrinsic value. Remember we are all one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable human souls with the same worth we are just taking different classes on a different journey. Everyone deserves respect and kindness.
- Be mindful. Pay attention to what you think and feel in every moment. Understand you are the one in control of your thoughts and emotions. No one can make you upset, hurt your feelings or make you feel small, unless you let them. You are responsible for your inner state, your reactions and your behavior. Consciously choose a love-based response instead of reacting from fear.
In my New Years article I talked about changing yourself and changing the world. I still believe you are either part of the solution or youre part of the problem, and the problems on this planet wont be solved by pointing fingers at others. They will be solved by working on YOU the only person you have any control over.
Robert S. Hartman said, The good takes time; one cannot be good in a hurry. This is why peace will not come through so-called strong men. They look for easy and fast solutions. It will come through men of patience, compassion and humility men of faith.
You are the solution and you can do this!
