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Are you being bullied by your spouse? Here are 3 tips to help with the situation
Bullying
Are you being bullied by your spouse? Here are 3 tips to stop it. - photo by Shutterstock.com
Mayra Bitsko
Deseret News National
Updated: Jul 20, 2014, 9:00 AM
Published: Jul 17, 2014, 4:09 PM

Bullying doesn’t stay behind classroom doors. Bullying reaches marriages as well. People presume since they’ve known their spouse for so long, getting bullied is acceptable. Sadly, it is not acceptable in any way. Where there is bullying, there is no respect.

Marrying at a young age opened my eyes to a reality I wasn’t emotionally or mentally prepared for. Being told I couldn’t do something or ridiculed for trying something new was the worst kind of bullying I’ve ever experienced. When the words were unkind and the tone of voice was that of a drill sergeant, I realized the marriage was heading down an unpleasant path. I’m glad I was able to speak up and ask for help.

Moreover, we hear or read about husbands belittling their wives. But wives are not the only victims. Contrary to popular belief, bullied husbands exist. There are wives with little or no regard for their husbands –and that is not okay. No one deserves to be belittled by anyone. And even less by the person who professes love to you.
Have you experienced any of the following?

your spouse has no faith in you or what you do; intimidates you; mocks you in front of the children or family members; disrespects your opinion and doesn’t include you in any of the decision-making; treats you as a servant and never thanks you for the things you do; teases you physically by comparing you to other women or men. expects you to do things at a certain time in a certain way or else. If so, here are 3 tips to help in the matter:

1. Speak up
Don’t be meek. As intimidated as you may feel, you must defend yourself. The moment your spouse makes you feel undignified, you tell him or her how you feel. Show your spouse you have a voice and you will use it. Stand up to the bully.

2. Seek help from a trusted person
It’s embarrassing to admit there is something wrong in your marriage. But you need to put those feelings of shame aside — for you and your children’s well-being. It’s unhealthy to raise your children in a bullying setting. It will teach them it is okay to get bullied and to bully. Therefore, reach out to someone you deeply trust. Perhaps it’s a best friend, sibling, pastor or someone in your community. It’s not recommended to have others intervene in your marriage unless it’s professional counseling. But if you know this person well, maybe they can speak to your spouse. If your spouse hears how you feel from someone close to you, maybe he or she will come around.

3. Marriage counseling
Requesting help from an unbiased person is sometimes the route to go. The marriage counselor will not only hear both sides of the story, but he will suggest a variety of exercises or techniques to improve the situation. Based on the information you and your spouse share with the counselor, he may recommend separate counseling for the children. Your kids may seem fine, but chances are they've already been subjected to fear.

It’s important to understand the severity of bullying in any relationship including your marriage. Do not make excuses for your spouse. Seek help. Always remember you and your children deserve to live in a healthy and bully-free environment.

Mayra Bitsko is a freelance writer, book reviewer, the author of A Second Chance and The Past Beckons and holds a master's degree in business administration-accounting. Contact her at www.mrsmbitsko.com
Its toxic: New study says blue light from tech devices can speed up blindness
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A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers. - photo by Herb Scribner
Herb Scribner
Deseret News
Published: Aug 13, 2018, 1:39 PM
It turns out checking Twitter or Facebook before bed is bad for your health.

A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers.

That process can lead to age-related macular degeneration, which is a leading cause of blindness in the United States, according to the researchs extract.

Blue light is a common issue for many modern Americans. Blue light is emitted from screens, most notably at night, causing sleep loss, eye strain and a number of other issues.

Dr. Ajith Karunarathne, assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry, said our constant exposure to blue light cant be blocked by the lens or cornea.

"It's no secret that blue light harms our vision by damaging the eye's retina. Our experiments explain how this happens, and we hope this leads to therapies that slow macular degeneration, such as a new kind of eye drop, he said.

Macular degeneration is an incurable eye disease that often affects those in their 50s or 60s. It occurs after the death of photoreceptor cells in the retina. Those cells need retinal to sense light and help signal the brain.

The research team found blue light exposure created poisonous chemical molecules that killed photoreceptor cells

"It's toxic. If you shine blue light on retinal, the retinal kills photoreceptor cells as the signaling molecule on the membrane dissolves," said Kasun Ratnayake, a Ph.D. student researcher working in Karunarathne's cellular photo chemistry group. "Photoreceptor cells do not regenerate in the eye. When they're dead, they're dead for good."

However, the researchers found a molecule called alpha-tocopherol, which comes from Vitamin E, can help prevent cell death, according to Futurism.

The researchers plan to review how light from TVs, cellphones and tablet screens affect the eyes as well.

"If you look at the amount of light coming out of your cellphone, it's not great but it seems tolerable," said Dr. John Payton, visiting assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry. "Some cellphone companies are adding blue-light filters to the screens, and I think that is a good idea."

Indeed, Apple released a Night Shift mode two years ago to help quell blue lights strain on the eyes, according to The Verge. The screen will dim into a warmer, orange light that will cause less stress on the eyes.