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How to find and work on your marriage weaknesses
Strengthen Marriage
How to strengthen your marriage weaknesses. - photo by Shutterstock.com

In most marriages, you are unaware of your weaknesses which makes it challenging to live the married life you have hoped for. The key to living the married life of your dreams is to find and eliminate the weaknesses.

As newlyweds, my husband and I would get on each other’s nerve more often than we liked. We never gave our issues the attention it needed because we were under the assumption we were still getting to know each other. Our assumption was true. Nevertheless, we did some soul-searching and concluded we had a few minor unresolved issues before marrying that needed resolution. So, we created checklists of the things that most bothered us about each other and worked steadily to mend our weaknesses.

If you feel your marriage is not in the right place or could use some improvement, have a one-to-one with your spouse so, together, you can test your marriage.

Here are two ways to discover the weaknesses in your marriage:

1. Questionnaires
There are organizations online such as "The Relationship Institute" offering marriage checklists. These checklists consist of questions such as why you and your spouse argue and how do you work on resolving the argument. However, if you prefer, you can create your own checklist. For example, you and your spouse each make a list of what you believe are the weaknesses in your marriage. Then, read each other’s list. When it is time to discuss, be honest and open-minded. Do not turn the checklist exercise into a disagreement. The checklist is a guide.

2. Therapist
Many couples prefer professional advice. You may feel comfortable in talking to an unbiased party and trust this person will do his or her best to guide you and your spouse in the right direction. Accordingly, the therapist will offer the proper management and exercises to uncover the weaknesses.

Once you both uncover the weaknesses in your marriage, here are five ways to work on them:

1. Focus
Focusing on you is important. If you have a particular weakness, you cannot expect your spouse to fix it for you. For example, if you are a jealous person, you will find ways to accuse your spouse of doing something when he or she is not. You need to work on your jealousy before moving forward in your marriage.

2. Talk and listen
You hear what your spouse is saying, but are you honestly listening. Do not interpret what your spouse is saying until he has finished speaking. Do not put words in his mouth. Learn to listen. Learn to communicate.

3. Do not pressure
When you both figure out the weaknesses in your marriage, give each other time to work on them. You cannot expect resolutions overnight. Take each day with stride.

4. Be attentive
Show true signs of caring for your spouse’s needs and wants. For example, if your spouse is in hopes of starting his or her own business, volunteer to help with the startup process. Sometimes just cheering for your spouse on the sidelines is good enough support. Remember, the same attention you seek from your spouse is the same attention you should give in return.

5. Forgive
Learn to let go of the past. It is not easy, but it is possible. Oftentimes, when you get in an argument, the first thing you do is throw the past at your spouse. Unfortunately, doing so only creates tension and a distance between the two. Even though the past may have daunted you, you need to find a way to let it go and never bring it up again if you want your marriage to work. When you choose to forgive, the past must stay in the past.

Never get embarrassed to acknowledge your weaknesses. Be open with your spouse about each other’s weak points and work at fixing them together.

Mayra Bitsko is a freelance writer, the author of A Second Chance and The Past Beckons and holds a master's degree in business administration-accounting. Contact her at www.mrsmbitsko.com


Its toxic: New study says blue light from tech devices can speed up blindness
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A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers. - photo by Herb Scribner
It turns out checking Twitter or Facebook before bed is bad for your health.

A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers.

That process can lead to age-related macular degeneration, which is a leading cause of blindness in the United States, according to the researchs extract.

Blue light is a common issue for many modern Americans. Blue light is emitted from screens, most notably at night, causing sleep loss, eye strain and a number of other issues.

Dr. Ajith Karunarathne, assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry, said our constant exposure to blue light cant be blocked by the lens or cornea.

"It's no secret that blue light harms our vision by damaging the eye's retina. Our experiments explain how this happens, and we hope this leads to therapies that slow macular degeneration, such as a new kind of eye drop, he said.

Macular degeneration is an incurable eye disease that often affects those in their 50s or 60s. It occurs after the death of photoreceptor cells in the retina. Those cells need retinal to sense light and help signal the brain.

The research team found blue light exposure created poisonous chemical molecules that killed photoreceptor cells

"It's toxic. If you shine blue light on retinal, the retinal kills photoreceptor cells as the signaling molecule on the membrane dissolves," said Kasun Ratnayake, a Ph.D. student researcher working in Karunarathne's cellular photo chemistry group. "Photoreceptor cells do not regenerate in the eye. When they're dead, they're dead for good."

However, the researchers found a molecule called alpha-tocopherol, which comes from Vitamin E, can help prevent cell death, according to Futurism.

The researchers plan to review how light from TVs, cellphones and tablet screens affect the eyes as well.

"If you look at the amount of light coming out of your cellphone, it's not great but it seems tolerable," said Dr. John Payton, visiting assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry. "Some cellphone companies are adding blue-light filters to the screens, and I think that is a good idea."

Indeed, Apple released a Night Shift mode two years ago to help quell blue lights strain on the eyes, according to The Verge. The screen will dim into a warmer, orange light that will cause less stress on the eyes.