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Why we need to stop saying, Youre not a parent until ...
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Telling new parents they don't deserve the title "parents" because they haven't had a specific experience is a practice that needs to be put to rest. It doesn't help anyone in any way. - photo by Ben Allen
I am a parent. I have a 9-month-old daughter whom I love very much. Ive cared for her, fed her, changed her diapers and spent many nights awake trying to soothe her. Becoming a parent has been a wild ride, full of new adventures every day.

Yet, according to my siblings, parents, family, friends and random strangers on the street, Im not a parent. My profoundly personal experience is null and void because my experiences arent exactly like theirs.

Youve probably been told you're not a parent also. Heck, you might have told other people they arent parents. All because of this quasi-tradition of saying to new parents, You're not a parent until ...

Some of the most memorable you're-not-a-parent-until stories Ive heard include catching your childs vomit with your bare hands, leaving a child in the car on accident, having to sift through your childs poop looking for loose change he swallowed and having to wrap your child in a towel because she had a massive diaper blowout and there are no clean clothes.

People use these statements as ways to share experiences, but the statement that precedes them is insulting. It pushes that being a parent depends on a single event and that you're not a parent until you have experienced a profoundly distressing, gross or irresponsible moment.

Imagine if you were a painter working on a beautiful piece of art and looking for some well-deserved praise from more experienced artists. Yet, instead of praise or helpful advice, you get somebody who says, You're not a real painter until you make a stick figure with watercolors. Its not helpful at all, and its quite insulting.

When I became a parent

Becoming a parent is very personal and not something that should be trivialized. In all honesty, when you ask somebody to describe the moment he or she became a parent, it usually is a very emotional story. For my wife, the moment she became a parent was when we got that positive pregnancy test. For me, it was when my wife was diagnosed with cholestasis, and the doctor explained that our unborn child was at risk. At that moment, I would have done anything and everything to make sure my daughter was born healthy.

In my opinion, what makes someone a parent is a willingness to sacrifice everything for his or her child. Its placing the needs of the child before yourself. Its caring for another human life before you care for yourself.

So, thats why, when people tell me Im not a parent because I havent had a particular experience, I get angry. I understand they dont mean to offend me and its not like theyre harassing me on purpose. What makes me angry is that this practice celebrates bad parenting while trivializing that important moment of becoming a parent.

How this tradition isnt helping the world

Most you're-not-a-parent-until stories highlight a mistake or crazy incident in the persons life. These stories rarely condemn a mistake but instead celebrate it, claiming it as a part of "becoming a parent." Yet, thats the opposite of what we should want. We should want new parents to learn from the mistakes of the past, not repeat them. Repeating mistakes is the path to poor parenting, showing you arent learning and evolving for your children.

We dont need more bad parents. There are plenty of those in the world already. Its actually pretty sad that we need social workers to protect children from their own parents. We, as a society, need to prevent these type of situations and support parents whom may be struggling. We need to discourage being bad parents and start focusing on helping parents become better.

New parents dont need to hear its okay to be a bad parent. Being a parent is hard, and people encouraging us to be selfish is harmful. We need uplifting stories of getting children to sleep through the night, how parenthood is so fulfilling and general encouragement on how we are doing a good job. We want real advice and gentle guidance when we do make mistakes, not people comparing those mistakes to ones they made and telling us its all okay.

What to do instead

This tradition is one that needs to stop. Its one of those things that people do because it happened to them when they were new parents. Its no different from hazing the new freshmen or giving the new kid at school a hard time.

So, the next time you feel the need to say something starting with, Youre not a parent until, stop and think. Will this story actually help new parents? If the answer is no, then dont share it. Instead, compliment their baby and their parenting skills. Give helpful advice from your personal experience. Talk about things people normally dont give advice about, or even ask what they are struggling with and address some issues there. Help other parents become better and feel more comfortable being new parents.
Its toxic: New study says blue light from tech devices can speed up blindness
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A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers. - photo by Herb Scribner
It turns out checking Twitter or Facebook before bed is bad for your health.

A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers.

That process can lead to age-related macular degeneration, which is a leading cause of blindness in the United States, according to the researchs extract.

Blue light is a common issue for many modern Americans. Blue light is emitted from screens, most notably at night, causing sleep loss, eye strain and a number of other issues.

Dr. Ajith Karunarathne, assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry, said our constant exposure to blue light cant be blocked by the lens or cornea.

"It's no secret that blue light harms our vision by damaging the eye's retina. Our experiments explain how this happens, and we hope this leads to therapies that slow macular degeneration, such as a new kind of eye drop, he said.

Macular degeneration is an incurable eye disease that often affects those in their 50s or 60s. It occurs after the death of photoreceptor cells in the retina. Those cells need retinal to sense light and help signal the brain.

The research team found blue light exposure created poisonous chemical molecules that killed photoreceptor cells

"It's toxic. If you shine blue light on retinal, the retinal kills photoreceptor cells as the signaling molecule on the membrane dissolves," said Kasun Ratnayake, a Ph.D. student researcher working in Karunarathne's cellular photo chemistry group. "Photoreceptor cells do not regenerate in the eye. When they're dead, they're dead for good."

However, the researchers found a molecule called alpha-tocopherol, which comes from Vitamin E, can help prevent cell death, according to Futurism.

The researchers plan to review how light from TVs, cellphones and tablet screens affect the eyes as well.

"If you look at the amount of light coming out of your cellphone, it's not great but it seems tolerable," said Dr. John Payton, visiting assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry. "Some cellphone companies are adding blue-light filters to the screens, and I think that is a good idea."

Indeed, Apple released a Night Shift mode two years ago to help quell blue lights strain on the eyes, according to The Verge. The screen will dim into a warmer, orange light that will cause less stress on the eyes.