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Yes, you should try to change your spouse
Change your husband
Jason and Kodi Wright were married at the Manti Utah Temple in 1993. - photo by Beverly Jensen
Jason Wright
Deseret News National
Updated: Sep 26, 2014, 3:00 PM
Published: Sep 22, 2014, 9:21 PM

Just for fun, Google this question: “Can I change my spouse?"

Brace yourself. There are more than 5,000,000 results.

What’s the most popular answer? “Don’t try to change your spouse.”

It’s the most parroted slice of marital advice since Adam and Eve said, “I do.”

It sounds snazzy on the surface, doesn’t it? “Just. Change. You.”

That’s not marital advice. That’s a bumper sticker at a couples’ retreat.


I fell victim, too. During the early part of my 20-year marriage, whenever my wife, Kodi, shared any advice or constructive criticism, the natural man in my head whispered that maybe I just wasn’t good enough. I needed to look in the mirror and change myself into what she wanted me to be.

But through two decades together, I've learned that what Kodi really wants is exactly what I want. She doesn’t want a new me; she just wants me to be a better version of the “me” I already am.

Like all couples, my wife and I witness layers of goodness in each other that only we, through marriage, are able to see. It’s one of the great miracles of matrimony.

Kodi knows my talents, tests, strengths and weaknesses like nobody.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I'm glad my wife is trying to change her flawed husband. She knows just how much better I could be if I had the same confidence in myself that she has in me.

I bet your spouse feels the same. (About you, not about me.)

I’m not too shy to say that I want her to change, too. Not because Kodi isn’t good enough already — she’s magnificent — but because I recognize potential in her that goes beyond this life and into the next.

If your relationship is sometimes out of tune (no marriage is without an off-key note every few bars), make a list of your spouse’s many amazing attributes. Odds are the things you appreciated when you first married are still standing right in front of you.

Focus like a laser on your partner’s positives. Then, help him or her find ways to magnify those attributes until they’re so prominent, there’s nothing else left.

Identify the good, isolate it, protect it, and feed it until it’s all they are. Use praise to crowd out the negative and quit worrying about trying to change what you think is broken. Instead, help them transform what’s good into something even better.
Is your wife good with people? Tell her.

Encourage her. Help her grow those skills into even greater self-confidence.

Is your husband handy around the house? Tell him.

Encourage him. Praise him for doing what many cannot. Invite him to use his talents to bless neighbors and strangers.
Remind your partner in life, love and trials that you are their chief cheerleader. Let them know that because you love them, you want them to change — for good.

Can you change your spouse?

Sure you can, no matter what Google says. But beware; all this changing your spouse might just be good for you, too.

Jason Wright is a New York Times best selling author of 10 books, including "Christmas Jars" and "The Wednesday Letters." Learn more at jasonfwright.com, or connect on Facebook at facebook.com/jfwbooks or by email at jwright@deseretnews.com.
Its toxic: New study says blue light from tech devices can speed up blindness
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A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers. - photo by Herb Scribner
Herb Scribner
Deseret News
Published: Aug 13, 2018, 1:39 PM
It turns out checking Twitter or Facebook before bed is bad for your health.

A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers.

That process can lead to age-related macular degeneration, which is a leading cause of blindness in the United States, according to the researchs extract.

Blue light is a common issue for many modern Americans. Blue light is emitted from screens, most notably at night, causing sleep loss, eye strain and a number of other issues.

Dr. Ajith Karunarathne, assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry, said our constant exposure to blue light cant be blocked by the lens or cornea.

"It's no secret that blue light harms our vision by damaging the eye's retina. Our experiments explain how this happens, and we hope this leads to therapies that slow macular degeneration, such as a new kind of eye drop, he said.

Macular degeneration is an incurable eye disease that often affects those in their 50s or 60s. It occurs after the death of photoreceptor cells in the retina. Those cells need retinal to sense light and help signal the brain.

The research team found blue light exposure created poisonous chemical molecules that killed photoreceptor cells

"It's toxic. If you shine blue light on retinal, the retinal kills photoreceptor cells as the signaling molecule on the membrane dissolves," said Kasun Ratnayake, a Ph.D. student researcher working in Karunarathne's cellular photo chemistry group. "Photoreceptor cells do not regenerate in the eye. When they're dead, they're dead for good."

However, the researchers found a molecule called alpha-tocopherol, which comes from Vitamin E, can help prevent cell death, according to Futurism.

The researchers plan to review how light from TVs, cellphones and tablet screens affect the eyes as well.

"If you look at the amount of light coming out of your cellphone, it's not great but it seems tolerable," said Dr. John Payton, visiting assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry. "Some cellphone companies are adding blue-light filters to the screens, and I think that is a good idea."

Indeed, Apple released a Night Shift mode two years ago to help quell blue lights strain on the eyes, according to The Verge. The screen will dim into a warmer, orange light that will cause less stress on the eyes.