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A case of cat scratch fever
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Now that the dust has settled a bit after the DNC/RNC speeches, its clear which team is running around like a chicken with its head cut off: the Democrats. Sorry boys and girls, but that’s the way it’s playin’ out.

McCain sent an absolute shockwave through this country by picking a gal from Alaska who was essentially an unknown.

“Alaska? Wherz ‘at at?”

You know Alaska ... it’s that big whompin’ state that everyone thinks is part of Canada. Technically, it is, but it belongs to the U.S.

It’s way up there on the left-hand corner of the map. No, turn around and face the map ... lift your left hand ... no, the other left hand ... up ... up ... up ... there it is!


So Palin is from Alaska, kind of a soup to nuts sorta gal. She is involved in a lot of things, and doesn’t back down easily. She once got in a slap fight with a polar bear, who’s furry white skin now lies on her living room floor. Just kiddin’ of course, but you get my drift.

When the sun was peekin’ up over the horizon last Friday morning, Obama was already at work trying to rescue his campaign by organizing high-profile women to suit up and go on the attack. Essentially encouraging a “cat fight.”

Y’all saw it in school, heard about it from your kids, and it still goes on.

The new girl comes to school, she’s really cute and is instantly popular. The dynamic, slick, charming and devil-tongued boy in school tries to impress her and is given the icy cold shoulder.

He organizes the attack pack to take her out, and you can hear those nails “sching!” out like Freddie Krueger’s, ready to pounce on the little kitten and make her look like a coughed up furball.

This is exactly what Obama is trying to do with Palin.

Unfortunately, Obama was too busy at school campaigning for student council president to know how to do it right. If you’re gonna get “high profile” women for a cat fight, you don’t pick women like Janet Napolitano or Kathleen Sebelius. Hillary we know, but the other two? Say what? Is he kidding? They might be high-profile in Washington, D.C., but the majority of the American public has never heard of these two women.

And seriously, who cares.

Palin’s like, “Bring it on, sister!” because she knows that wherever she goes and whatever she does from here on, she’s gonna have to plant those feet firmly and put up her dukes. Listen folks, you don’t mess with a woman who can gut a moose. You just don’t.

There’s also some women in this country who are just aghast that Oprah won’t interview Palin until after the election.

Again, who cares.

Oprah made it loud and clear who her choice for president is. Barack Obama. She has made it very loud and clear. Hand her a bullhorn. She’ll tell ya.

And she doesn’t have to have anyone on her show that she doesn’t want to have. Women are flooding her Web site with messages about how they used to watch her show every day, but they won’t anymore because she won’t have Palin on.

Ladies, please. Don’t be lemmings. Don’t let your world be ruled by whatever Oprah says or does. God gave you a brain to think with, so use it and think for yourself. After all, what’s God’s name? That’s right. It’s not “Oprah.” It’s not “one nation under Oprah.”

Let Oprah have an opinion, and for God’s sake, get one of your own. You’d be surprised how good it feels to think for yourself for a change.

Maybe Oprah is gonna use this time before the election so she can go gut a moose herself to see what it feels like. Then she and Palin will have something to talk about. I mean, Oprah is nothing if not “prepared.” She might wish she interviewed Palin a year ago — it could have made a big difference in who she backed as a candidate.

It’s definitely going to be an interesting couple of months on the campaign trail, though. And look for “Celebrity Death Match” to show up again on MTV. Palin taking on those high-profile women ... maybe they’ll throw in a few other fonts of well-informed public servants — Paris Hilton ... Britney Spears ... Baba Wawa....