Well, we have a new President and a new family soon to occupy the White House. It will be fun to keep up with the Obama girls, they’re mighty cute. I hope their dad does pony up with the promised puppy.
It’s a “change” that he said would happen, and it did. It will likely be a big change, and I think Malia and Sasha will have a great influence on all the young girls in this country, and that is something we can all be thankful for and look forward to.
I don’t envy Obama his position as president, and even though I’m not quite ready to jump in with both feet, I will give him his due and let him take a shot at it. I still think McCain would have done a better job, but hey — sometimes change is a good thing. And sometimes it’s not.
I was reading in another paper that ol’ Drunk Unk might be up to his old tricks again. As you may remember, he is the brother that we take in stride. We don’t pay him a lot of attention, because he’s just too much work. If you make a phone call to check up on him, he’ll take that as an open invitation to call you at 3 or 4 in the morning for several days on end and leave drunken messages that don’t make any sense. Sometimes he’ll call and you might just hear him playing one of his favorite songs from a tape or the radio. Once in awhile you’ll hear him in the background, singing karaoke-style. Not singing actually, rather slurring one of the songs.
We know it’s him if we hear “Mack the Knife.” For some reason he’s made that his anthem. His theme song.
But I digress.
The reason why ol’ Drunk Unk is back in the picture is ’cause sister called me and said to go online and look up that paper, check under the police blotter and read some of recent entries.
Entry from Oct. 7 reported that a man had been to check on a friend of his that he hadn’t seen for a couple of days and found the dude dead. On the couch.
Now, that would be the way Drunk Unk is probably gonna check out. Some ol’ drinkin’ buddy of his will stop by to see if he’s got anything “cold” to drink, and there will be ol’ Drunk Unk, laid out on the couch he’s been sleepin’ on for the last 20 years. He dragged that thing from my parents house to his little bungalow in downtown Hooterville. Yep. Drunk as a skunk, and deader’n a doornail.
However, I knew it couldn’t have been Drunk Unk found dead on the couch, because the next entry sounded a lot more like him.
On Oct. 9, police got a report of a man riding his bicycle (OK, that’s the first clue) when three men started harassing him. They pulled him off the bike, threw him in the mud, started kicking dirt on him and throwing dirt in his face. Then they tried to make him smell their dog’s beehind, and ended up rubbing dog dookie in his face. This went on until a car pulled up and saved the man from Death by Dookie.
That, my friends, sounds exactly like a tale my brother would spin. A really good yarn.
I googled the address where this incident supposedly happened, and it was a bit out of Drunk Unk’s bike ridin’ range. It was still in town, but unless he was on his way to a drinkin’ party or was just out ridin’ his bike to be cruisin’ for chicks, I don’t think he would have the wherewithal to go that far out of his cozy little neighborhood. His bike journeys are usually the quarter mile to the liquor store and back. Chances are too, that by this time, his bike has also either been pawned or stolen.
That second police report sounded way too familiar to be anyone else but the brother. I know there are some strange folk wandering the streets of Hooterville, but surely there can’t be two Drunk Unks ... ya think?
Sister says he is one of many.
I gotta give him some credit, though. He’s far more creative than the rest of his ilk. He probably was out ridin’ his bike, fell off and passed out in the mud until a cruiser came along and whoop-whooped him. Then he came up with his tale of tragic woe and misery.
Did I mention that the thugs also stole six bucks off him? That’s another clue. Six bucks is just enough to buy a pack of smokes and a tall one.
And therein lies the change I was talking about earlier.
He changed his bike route and look what happened.
Let’s hope Obama’s changes don’t end up with us gettin’ dog dookie rubbed in our faces.