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Ahoy! Pirates aplenty
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I kinda feel sorry for this poor young kid who’s being charged with piracy. I mean, I give him a lot of credit for at least making the attempt, even though Lord knows it was a stupid thing to do.

He was excited to have boarded an American ship, clapping his hands with glee because he knew he was standing on the mother lode. Lotsa bling if you manage to wrangle an American ship.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t the brightest pirate.

He got stabbed in the hand by one of the ship’s crew, and that made him start crying.

The crewmember said he was going to testify against the kid, but didn’t want to see him if possible.

“I hate his face,” he said, “I could have died.”

But you know, pirate school just isn’t the same as it was in the old days.

They no longer sing sea chantys.

No one wears the requisite eye patch.

The leader doesn’t have wooden peg leg or striped T-shirt.

And hello? Aren’t pirates supposed to have at least one parrot riding around on someone’s shoulder?

And how stupid do you have to be to have your enemy convince you to leave your weapon behind?

Uh huh. Pretty dumb.

“Dude, you come in here waving that gun around, none of the us will surrender. We’ll all be too scared. You better leave it here if you want cooperative hostages.”

“Oh, OK, I’ll do that. Can I come and get it later?”

No, Stupid, now get moving.

There is some discussion now as to the real age of this kid. The government says he’s 18, his momma says he’s 16 (and she’s not happy that he wasn’t at school like he was supposed to be). “The last time I saw him, he was in his school uniform,” said Momma. Another someone says he could be as young as 15.

Even though Abdiwali Abdiqadir Muse hopped on board full of swagger and acted like the ringleader, no one knows for sure who the real mastermind is. You know they had to be telling him to just board the ship and start shooting.

His momma says he was duped by older men, persuaded by the thoughts of riches and fame.

Anything would sound promising when your parents sell milk for a living, and tend a small herd of camels, goats and cows. Momma saves $6 a month to pay for schooling and pays $15 a month for rent.

Her son, the pirate, is the oldest of 12.

Twelve children living on next to nothing every month. Given the prospect of becoming a goat herder like your daddy, you might think about piracy for a living, too.

Momma said that her son didn’t hang out with kids his own age, they teased him a lot because he liked to read.

Seems like he would have been smart enough to read a book about what happened to pirates in the old days. Makes the waterboarding at Gitmo seem like a day at the Splash Park.

What gets me, though, is how they are making such a huge deal about this poor young kid who comes from absolutely nothing, when there is piracy running amok in our country. Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Bernie Madoff, Barney Frank (ahoy me hearty!), Chris Dodd, Tim Geithner…I mean, what the heck is up with that? Sure they didn’t board a ship waving a pistol, but they still got away with piracy. You know it, and I know it.

I think they should all be made to wear the puffy shirt from “Seinfeld.”

“Makes you look like a pirate!” was Kramer’s sentiment.

“But I don’t want to be a pirate…,” Jerry responded.

I wouldn’t either, knowing who my fellow pirates would be.

Young Abdiwali had told the crew he always wanted to come to America, but I’m sure he never saw it coming the way it did.

Sad to think that life in an American prison would be better than the life he had in Somalia.

Hmm. A life sentence as a goat herder in Somalia.

A good sentence for someone like Barney Frank.

But if I was a goat, I’d be afraid.

Very afraid.