As Sheryl Crowe so blithely puts it: “I think a change ... a change ... would do you good ….”

And that’s all the candidates running for Mayor of the U.S. have been hawking.

Hillary says, “I’m going to make some changes!” Good! Start with that wardrobe!

Obama: “Me, too!”

Edwards: “I’m all for change!”

Huckabee: “I’ll never change.”

Giuliani: “I can make better changes than anyone, because I was the Mayor of New York City!”

Romney: “I’ve got lots of extra change — in my pockets!”

McCain: “You aren’t gonna like the changes I’ve got up my sleeve!”

Thompson: “I need some of that extra change, Mitt.”

Gomer Pyle: “Sergeant Carter? You got change for a nickel?”

All bark and no bite. What the heck are they wanting to “change,” and how the heck do they plan on doing it?

Health care? Dream on. It would take more than one person to make that change, and not any of the above listed do-gooders could do it, a few will probably steer clear of health care all together.

Abortion and same-sex marriage. Sorry, but those are two things the candidates ain’t got no business interfering in. Those are personal issues, not presidential issues. The one who starts clamoring how he/she is gonna change that will not get my vote. I say “shut up and leave it alone.” There is one God-given gift and that is free will. Both of those issues fall under that category and it’s got no place on a ballot.

The focus of the campaign should be how the candidates are going to protect our country, keep our economy moving upward and onward without depending on other countries to run our own, how to strengthen our military and our backbone when it comes to dealing with miserably rotten countries (can you imagine 1,000 people being slaughtered on the streets of Anywhere USA after an election — like in Kenya?) and educating our kids. Yes, that means jack up those teacher salaries!

I can’t say that education falls squarely on their shoulders, because parents have a lot of play in it. If you are gonna have a child, have the decency and the gumption to teach him/her how to read, how to speak (articulate, to be precise), and how to behave. Manners never go out of style, so teach them that, too, even if you don’t have any.

Here is one thing you never, ever hear candidates talk about: Prisons.

Maybe because they’ll think they’ll end up in one some day.

Instead of our hard-earned taxpayer dollahs going toward some dude that raped and murdered someone, how ’bout layin this on him: “Dude, you’ve got 30 days to get your affairs cleaned up. Say your goodbyes to your family, you’re going to the Middle East, and you ain’t comin’ back.” Yep. Permanent duty station overseas. Why should we get stuck with the piece of crap? Here, Osama, take him. He’s yours!

Think about all the money spent to keep people in prison, when they should be out defending our country!

I would much rather see that money going to suit up an inmate in some desert cammies and watch his little hardened bee-hind ship off out of this country.

“Bye, dude! Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!”

He won’t be on military payroll, either. He gets fed, has a sleeping bag, and that’s about it. No luxuries. You want out of prison? Here’s the deal, then. Off you go!

It wouldn’t be up to them, it would just be mandatory. No prison time, you just suit up and we never see your sorry tail again.

Some day the health care issue will be resolved, but probably not in our lifetime. It’ll end up being something along the lines of what my dad used to say: “Stop yah whining! Slap a band-aid on it and have a popsicle!”