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Some home spun advice
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“Mommy, would it be OK if I grew up to be a thug? You know, someone who commits crimes and steals from other people? Maybe shooting a gun once in a while for fun, even if it kills someone?”

Whachewtalkin’bout, Willis?

I looked at the rosy-cheeked little boy whom I constantly adorn with kisses and said, “Huh?”

“Well, what’s wrong with bein’ a thug?” he asked sincerely.

“I don’t have room in my house for one, that’s what’s wrong with it! You’re going to be a professional golfer if I have to hog-tie you and drag you all over the country myself!” I replied, drying my hands on a dishtowel.

“But Ma …,” he whined, “I’d make more money if I set up a meth lab!”

His eyes gleamed as he dreamed of all the things he could buy with his meth money — a PS3, a RipStik, bunk beds.

“Dude, hate to tell you this, but your dad and I just don’t do thugdom! And I don’t intend for you to start focusing on that kind of stuff, either. Drink a glass of milk, it does a body good. Besides, do you think we’d take care of you if you got into trouble? You’d go straight to jail, and you’d have to do your time.”

“What does that mean?” he asked, biting into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.

“It means, my dear boy, that if you commit a crime of any nature, you will promptly go to jail and not get to play xBox or watch Cartoon Network! You will have to watch something like “Matlock” or The Hallmark Channel ... or Lifetime, Television for Women.”

Horror-struck, he said, “Is that what they do in jail? Would I get to eat Cheetos? Or have a Coke?”

“No, dude. And you’d have to wear ugly pajamas and sleep without camouflage blankets and pillowcases!”

“What if I got sick? Who would take care of me?” he wondered, suddenly realizing that his mama would not be there to tend to him.

“The prison doctor, that’s who,” I said, with a hint of Vincent Price in my voice.

“Well, why are there so many guys in jail? There must be something OK with it!” he said indignantly.

“Of course there is, if you don’t want to have a job and earn money and take care of yourself! If you want to eat crappy food and get beat up all the time and sleep with the light on because you don’t want someone stealing what little you have or givin’ you the shiv in your sleep. I mean, that sounds OK, doesn’t it?”

He pondered that thought for a minute and said, “What’s a shiv?”

I pulled an instrument out of my back pocket.

“This is a shiv, my friend. A well-crafted one, too, I must say,” I replied, turning it slowly to admire the scary-looking implement.

“Ma. What are you doin’ with that?” he asked, backing away.

“I keep it on hand in case someone tries to take my Little Debbie’s away from me when I’m shopping at WalMart,” I said in my best Jim-Carrey-as-The-Cable-Guy toned-down voice.

He put his cookie down and said, “I’m gonna go work on my putt...”

I twirled my little shiv around and slid it into my back pocket.

“Good idea,” I whispered, patting the old paint can key I’d just tucked in.

You need to shock your kids back into reality? Send ’em over to my house.

In Effingham County, Progress Starts With a Plan
Guest Editorial by Susan Kraut, President/CEO of Effingham County Chamber of Commerce
Susan Kraut column
A sold-out crowd of more than 150 business and community leaders gathered at Effingham’s New Ebenezer Retreat Center Sept. 24 for the Chamber of Commerce’s annual State of the County Luncheon, hearing updates on economic growth, education, and infrastructure across Effingham County. (Submitted photo)

At last Wednesday’s sold-out State of the County luncheon, more than 150 business and community leaders heard a message that resonated throughout the program: We have a plan, and we’re sticking to it.

Effingham County City Manager Tim Callanan opened his remarks with that thought. It was simple, but powerful. In an era when news feeds churn with controversy and change, it served as a reminder that behind the scenes, steady planning is happening – and those plans are beginning to bear fruit.

Businesses and residents often express frustration about roads, zoning, parks, schools or economic development, feeling that growth is outpacing action. The truth, as Callanan underscored, is that many of those actions are already underway, rooted in master plans that cover everything from transportation and stormwater to parks, communications and public safety.

The challenge is that plans only matter if people know they exist. Too often, businesses and citizens forget these plans are in place, don’t know where to find them or don’t realize how to weigh in at the right moments. When that happens, the community loses the chance to shape its own future and to express the value of those plans – why they matter and why they’re worth supporting.

Planning delivers progress

Last week’s luncheon highlighted how “plans” translate into progress. Mayor Kevin Exley shared Rincon’s ranking as one of Georgia’s safest cities and the city’s launch of the Citizen Central app – a small but meaningful step toward accessible local government. Springfield’s new city manager, Lauren Eargle, outlined a capital improvement plan that includes sidewalks, drainage and playgrounds, along with the less glamorous but vital work of a $35 million wastewater plant upgrade. Guyton’s city manager, Bill Lindsey, discussed contracting with planning consultants, winning grants for sidewalks, and reinvesting in Bazemore Park and downtown revitalization. These aren’t random acts; they’re evidence of intentional planning.

The school district provided another example when Superintendent Yancy Ford noted that Effingham now serves nearly 14,500 students speaking 33 languages. That diversity is an asset – but it also requires careful, proactive investment to maintain the high standards families expect. His most powerful point concerned ESPLOST, the 1-cent Education Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax. Thanks to community support over the years, ESPLOST has built classrooms, purchased buses, enhanced safety measures, provided Chromebooks to all students, added security cameras and access-control systems, created inclusive playgrounds and athletic facilities open to the community, supported hands-on learning spaces like Honey Ridge, and established the College & Career Academy – a facility credited by Ford as helping lift the district’s graduation rate above 90% and expanding career pathways for a rapidly diversifying student body. And it has done so without incurring long-term debt.

Why ESPLOST matters

Among these examples of planning, none is clearer than ESPLOST — a long-term, voter-approved blueprint for funding education, renewed every five years to stay ahead of growth. The November ballot will again include the ESPLOST renewal, giving voters the opportunity to continue this proven approach to funding school facilities, technology, safety, transportation, inclusive playgrounds and community-accessible athletic fields. Renewing ESPLOST does not create a new tax; it simply extends the existing 1-cent sales tax, allowing residents, visitors and businesses to contribute to improvements that benefit every student. Without it, many of the projects parents and community members count on – such as new buses, safer schools, modern classrooms, career pathways and accessible playgrounds – would stall or require long-term debt.

Renewing ESPLOST is about more than bricks and mortar. It is not a reactionary measure but part of an intentional, ongoing plan to manage growth and maintain education – reinforcing the theme that plans become progress. As the district’s population becomes increasingly diverse and enrollment continues to rise, sustained ESPLOST funding is crucial to scaling programs, expanding facilities and maintaining the high graduation rates and opportunities that families expect. It is about protecting Effingham County’s tradition of educational excellence, maintaining property values and ensuring the workforce being prepared in our schools is ready to meet the needs of local employers. It is an investment in students, families and the future of our communities.

A call to the community

Effingham County is growing. Growth brings challenges, but it also brings opportunities. As the luncheon demonstrated, leaders at every level are working to guide that growth thoughtfully. The next step belongs to business owners, parents and neighbors – to lean in, stay informed and participate.

When hearing about a master plan, a referendum or a public meeting, don’t assume it is someone else’s job. Look up the plan, attend the forum, ask questions and cast a vote. That is how plans become progress – and how a yes vote on ESPLOST reaffirms and continues the community’s long-term plan for educational excellence, reinvesting in Effingham County’s future.