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Bulletin bloopers from Alabama to Africa
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I recently read a Baptist church newsletter from Alabama where the pastor was urging people to buy pork BBQ’s for a fundraiser. “Enjoy some tasty butts,” he said.

Ah, church bulletin bloopers. You never know what strange strangulation of the English language may occur. For example, here are some errors in spelling and grammar that showed up in other church bulletins and newsletters:

•  “Solo: ‘The Solid Rock/’Tis So Sweet to Rust in Jesus.’” (Especially oily in the morning.)

• Lutheran church announcement: “The Associated Ministries will hose Dr. Liebenow in an informal ‘Coffee and Conversation.’” (Let us spray.)

•  “Congregation: A city set on a hill cannot be had.” (Never heard of Rome or Boston?)

•  Assembly of God report on church attendance: “A very sweet presence of the Ford was in our praise and worship service.” (Better than a sour old Olds.)

•  The Hampton United Methodist Church will sponsor a Harvest Supper on Saturday, October 1. The menu for the evening will be a traditional New England boiled sinner, rolls, homemade apple pie, coffee, tea, and cider. (Talk about being in hot water!)

•  Please pray for the sick and tired of the church. (That they’ll come back!)

•  On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: “God is good -Dr. Hargreaves is better.”

Then there is my all-time favorite bulletin blooper: “Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.”

The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:16, “All Scripture is inspired by God.” The same cannot be said of church bulletins. I’m sure Dr. Hargreaves would agree.

Copyright 2007 by Bob Rogers. Read this column each Thursday for a mix of religion and humor. You can read more “Holy Humor” on the Web page of First Baptist Church of Rincon at www.fbcrincon.com.

Is there a church for a big woman with an itch?
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A pastor was called to be guest preacher at a church. He knew this church was different when the congregation ended every line of the hymn with the shout of “yeehah!”


As he stood to preach, he noticed that people were spread out on the pews. He would see a person, then a space, then another person, and another space. He wondered why nobody sat next to another person, when he noticed on the pew beside each person was a cowboy hat.


Another time this same preacher was invited to a new church in the city. He was surprised to see that everybody there looked like they had fallen face first into a tackle box, because they had piercings and earrings on every part of the body imaginable. A rock band was playing alternative music on the stage.


As different as these two churches were, they were both growing and reaching people for Christ.


Years ago I was pastor of a small country church in the backwoods of Mississippi. There was another Baptist church just five miles away in the town (population 600). The pastor’s wife at the town church asked me, “Why don’t our two churches merge?” I said, “There are people in my church who would not feel comfortable or fit in at your town church.” She said, “Oh, come on. We’re a small town church. What could be so different?”


I said, “Well, I got one really big woman in my church who, when she gets to feeling an itch, she pulls her dress halfway up and she scratches herself.”


The eyes of this pastor’s wife got really big and she said, “I see what you mean.”


I forgot to tell her about another woman in my church who saw a roach running across the wood floor, so she stomped on it with her bare foot, laughed and shouted, “Aha! I got him!”


Yep, the culture was definitely different where I was pastor.


Jesus upset the religious establishment because He crossed cultural barriers. He loved to eat with tax collectors and Gentiles and other strange people. Jesus walked into the land of Samaria, full of half-breed Jews who worshiped in weird ways and talked different and smelled different.


Jesus walked right up to a Samaritan woman at a well and started talking her language. He accepted her culture, but he let her know her sinful lifestyle had to change. Soon she had the whole town following Jesus (see John 4).


So what cultural barrier is keeping somebody in your community from hearing the gospel? If you tear down the cultural barriers to share Christ in your neighborhood, you may hear the angels shouting, “Yeehah!”


Copyright 2014 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday in the Herald. Visit my blog at www.bobrogers.me.