One of the joys of reading a church bulletin is finding the “bloopers.” Some are typos, like these:
“Ushers will eat the latecomers.”
“Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.”
“Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.”
“Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.”
As funny as typos are, my favorite bulletin bloopers are poorly worded sentences that imply things unintended. For example:
“Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.”
“For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
“Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.”
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
“Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.”
All of these errors and terrors in bulletins remind me of a truth from the Bible: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). We need God’s grace to save us by faith in Christ, because none of us are perfect. Just ask Pastor Jack.
(Copyright 2012 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday in the Herald. Visit my blog at www.bobrogers.me.)