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Payback time for misbehaving in church
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Dennis Swanberg (also known as the Big Swan) is a former pastor who is now a Christian comedian. He often tells stories about how when he was a boy, he got into trouble in church.


One of his most famous stories is about how a preacher asked in his sermon, “What shall we do with sin?” and Swanberg answered in the voice of Barney Fife, “Nip it! You got to nip it in the bud!”


But I found out that when the Big Swan’s own sons came along, it was payback time.


It seems that preacher Swanberg’s own sons got into trouble, too. Dusty Swanberg confessed to me that during Wednesday Night Supper at church, he and his brother would put brownies on forks and pop them up, so they would land on other tables.


Just like Jesus when he was 12 years old, Dusty had to be in his father’s house at age 12. Unlike Jesus, who went to Jerusalem when he was 12, Dusty went to First Baptist Church, West Monroe, Louisiana. And unlike Jesus, who wondered about theology and discussed it with the elders, Dusty and his brother wondered if a paper bulletin could fly. While their father was preaching, the boys were sitting in the horseshoe balcony of the sanctuary, making paper airplanes.


Then when Big Swan bowed his head to pray, the boys decided it was time to see if their handiwork was air-worthy. Off they went from the balcony, and two of the planes stuck right into the back of some older ladies’ hair that was poofing up.


I’m a preacher’s kid myself, so I know how bad a PK can be. But just as Dennis Swanberg turned out well in the end, so did Dusty. Here’s a word of encouragement from the scripture for every parent: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, KJV)


(Copyright 2012 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday in the Herald. Visit my blog at www.bobrogers.me.)

Is there a church for a big woman with an itch?
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A pastor was called to be guest preacher at a church. He knew this church was different when the congregation ended every line of the hymn with the shout of “yeehah!”


As he stood to preach, he noticed that people were spread out on the pews. He would see a person, then a space, then another person, and another space. He wondered why nobody sat next to another person, when he noticed on the pew beside each person was a cowboy hat.


Another time this same preacher was invited to a new church in the city. He was surprised to see that everybody there looked like they had fallen face first into a tackle box, because they had piercings and earrings on every part of the body imaginable. A rock band was playing alternative music on the stage.


As different as these two churches were, they were both growing and reaching people for Christ.


Years ago I was pastor of a small country church in the backwoods of Mississippi. There was another Baptist church just five miles away in the town (population 600). The pastor’s wife at the town church asked me, “Why don’t our two churches merge?” I said, “There are people in my church who would not feel comfortable or fit in at your town church.” She said, “Oh, come on. We’re a small town church. What could be so different?”


I said, “Well, I got one really big woman in my church who, when she gets to feeling an itch, she pulls her dress halfway up and she scratches herself.”


The eyes of this pastor’s wife got really big and she said, “I see what you mean.”


I forgot to tell her about another woman in my church who saw a roach running across the wood floor, so she stomped on it with her bare foot, laughed and shouted, “Aha! I got him!”


Yep, the culture was definitely different where I was pastor.


Jesus upset the religious establishment because He crossed cultural barriers. He loved to eat with tax collectors and Gentiles and other strange people. Jesus walked into the land of Samaria, full of half-breed Jews who worshiped in weird ways and talked different and smelled different.


Jesus walked right up to a Samaritan woman at a well and started talking her language. He accepted her culture, but he let her know her sinful lifestyle had to change. Soon she had the whole town following Jesus (see John 4).


So what cultural barrier is keeping somebody in your community from hearing the gospel? If you tear down the cultural barriers to share Christ in your neighborhood, you may hear the angels shouting, “Yeehah!”


Copyright 2014 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday in the Herald. Visit my blog at www.bobrogers.me.