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Ten things you never hear in church
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Special thanks to Arnease Moore of Rincon for sending me this list of “10 Things You Never Hear in Church.” I’m passing it along to you exactly as she sent it to me. October is Clergy Appreciation Month. Maybe you can let your ministers know how much you appreciate them by letting them hear these statements from you!

1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew!
2. I was so enthralled; I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Middle School Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
8. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminary in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
Read this column each Thursday for a mix of religion and humor. You can read more “Holy Humor” on the Web page of First Baptist Church of Rincon at