When I got married, I thought I knew everything there was to know about love.
Oh, how I was wrong.
Two years later, I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface of what love really means, but I've learned some valuable lessons along the way.
Here are 11 common misconceptions about love that you need to stop believing if you want to have a happy marriage:
1. You're always going to like each other
Hate to break it to you, but you're not. There are going to be many times when you drive each other absolutely crazy -- and that's okay. I'd bet that you can't think of a single person that you like 100% of the time. Why should your spouse be any different? You can love someone and still not like them sometimes.
2. You'll feel the same as you did when you were dating
The giddy, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling doesn't last forever. Over time, when those feelings fade, you'll realize that the excitement you felt when you were dating doesn't translate over in marriage. However, what you discover in its place is even better. Infatuation is short-lived. True love and devotion are forever.
3. Love is easy
Marriage takes work, and sometimes loving is hard. Love requires the very best of us and all of our efforts. It requires us to sacrifice, to feel pain and to give without expecting anything in return.
4. Life will always be happy
No marriage is without struggles, difficulties and devastating moments. You may not be happy now, but that doesn't mean that you aren't in love anymore. Have faith that things will work out, hold on tightly to one another, and believe in good times ahead.
5. You can solve any problem
Love is full of solvable and unsolvable problems. There are going to be issues you discuss right now that are never going to resolve. So if you're always falling back into the same old fights without ever really finding a solution, that's okay. It's normal.
6. Love always feels good
It doesn't. Sometimes it's intensely painful. But that's what happens when someone becomes so insanely important to you. You make your heart vulnerable and open it up to hurt and pain.
7. Your spouse can fulfill all your needs
No matter how much you want your spouse to fulfill your every need, they just can't. It's impossible. They'll never understand your girl problems as well as your best friend or play sports like your brothers. But that's okay. That's why you have other people in your life.
8. You can do no wrong
Even though they love you, and they are willing to forgive you, doesn't mean you don't have to be on your best behavior. It's a lot easier sometimes to be kinder to strangers than you are to your own spouse. That's inexcusable. You can do wrong. You can hurt. So treat your husband or wife better than you would like to be treated.
9. If you put other things first, it won't affect your relationship
It will. When you put your spouse's needs in last place, you're letting them know that they are unimportant to you. Obviously, there are going to be plenty of times when other needs are going to have to come first, but just make sure your husband or wife isn't the last priority.
10. All your dreams will come true
You probably won't live in your dream house or go on exotic vacations. You might not ever have the kind of money you wished for, or the types of kids you thought you'd have. But chances are, at the end of your life, things will have turned out better than you ever imagined -- just in different ways.
11. Our capability to love is finite
There is no end to love, and there is no limit to the amount that a human soul is allowed to feel or give. You may think that you love your spouse now, but frankly, this is just the beginning. Love is the most powerful force in the world, and you will have the ability to love so much more than you could ever imagine as you learn to cultivate and protect it.
Oh, how I was wrong.
Two years later, I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface of what love really means, but I've learned some valuable lessons along the way.
Here are 11 common misconceptions about love that you need to stop believing if you want to have a happy marriage:
1. You're always going to like each other
Hate to break it to you, but you're not. There are going to be many times when you drive each other absolutely crazy -- and that's okay. I'd bet that you can't think of a single person that you like 100% of the time. Why should your spouse be any different? You can love someone and still not like them sometimes.
2. You'll feel the same as you did when you were dating
The giddy, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling doesn't last forever. Over time, when those feelings fade, you'll realize that the excitement you felt when you were dating doesn't translate over in marriage. However, what you discover in its place is even better. Infatuation is short-lived. True love and devotion are forever.
3. Love is easy
Marriage takes work, and sometimes loving is hard. Love requires the very best of us and all of our efforts. It requires us to sacrifice, to feel pain and to give without expecting anything in return.
4. Life will always be happy
No marriage is without struggles, difficulties and devastating moments. You may not be happy now, but that doesn't mean that you aren't in love anymore. Have faith that things will work out, hold on tightly to one another, and believe in good times ahead.
5. You can solve any problem
Love is full of solvable and unsolvable problems. There are going to be issues you discuss right now that are never going to resolve. So if you're always falling back into the same old fights without ever really finding a solution, that's okay. It's normal.
6. Love always feels good
It doesn't. Sometimes it's intensely painful. But that's what happens when someone becomes so insanely important to you. You make your heart vulnerable and open it up to hurt and pain.
7. Your spouse can fulfill all your needs
No matter how much you want your spouse to fulfill your every need, they just can't. It's impossible. They'll never understand your girl problems as well as your best friend or play sports like your brothers. But that's okay. That's why you have other people in your life.
8. You can do no wrong
Even though they love you, and they are willing to forgive you, doesn't mean you don't have to be on your best behavior. It's a lot easier sometimes to be kinder to strangers than you are to your own spouse. That's inexcusable. You can do wrong. You can hurt. So treat your husband or wife better than you would like to be treated.
9. If you put other things first, it won't affect your relationship
It will. When you put your spouse's needs in last place, you're letting them know that they are unimportant to you. Obviously, there are going to be plenty of times when other needs are going to have to come first, but just make sure your husband or wife isn't the last priority.
10. All your dreams will come true
You probably won't live in your dream house or go on exotic vacations. You might not ever have the kind of money you wished for, or the types of kids you thought you'd have. But chances are, at the end of your life, things will have turned out better than you ever imagined -- just in different ways.
11. Our capability to love is finite
There is no end to love, and there is no limit to the amount that a human soul is allowed to feel or give. You may think that you love your spouse now, but frankly, this is just the beginning. Love is the most powerful force in the world, and you will have the ability to love so much more than you could ever imagine as you learn to cultivate and protect it.
