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7 tips to survive the holidays when you're grieving
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The holidays are stressful for everyone, but when you've had a loss and are grieving during the holidays it can be extremely difficult and painful. I'll provide ideas, strategies and hope for those who are grieving the upcoming holiday season. - photo by Chris Adams Richards, LCSW
Many of us feel stressed during the holiday season. There's so much going on- parties to plan and attend, gifts to buy, festive meals to cook and winter weather to deal with.

For someone who is grieving, the holidays are more than stressful; they're painful and can bring anxiety or a sense of dread instead of the spirit of the season.

The first time through the holidays since losing a loved one can be extremely difficult. According to Grief.com, we can miss our loved ones more during the holidays than any other time, and it can be the hardest part of grieving. We're reminded of past holidays or wishes of what the holidays could be instead of what they are. We are often torn between wanting to continue with family traditions and feeling too much sadness and loss to celebrate without our loved one.

After the first time through holidays and anniversaries since youve lost someone, the experience can be even more varied. For some, the grief will have become more bearable and, while we can miss our loved one more during the holidays, we are able to remember good memories and reminisce rather than feeling unable to move forward.

For others, the second or third time (or more) through the holidays can still be painful. Depending on your personal circumstances, any of these scenarios could be completely normal for your stage of healing.

If you or a loved one is struggling with grief at this time of year, here are seven suggestions to help:

1. Grieving is a personal process.

If you are feeling pressure because you have seen someone deal with grief over the holidays in a different way, stop.

What was okay for them doesn't have to work for you. Besides, some of us have a very adept public face and others might not realize how much pain may be hidden underneath. So if this means going to all the usual events, but not putting pressure to stay as long, that's fine. If it means kindly declining events and reducing your commitments and celebrations, that's fine too.

2. Self-care, self-care, self-care.

The holidays are so often about others: buying gifts, making the season fun for someone else, worrying about disappointing someone if we don't do what we have done in the past, etc.

When you're grieving, it's ok to adjust your priorities to include caring for your own tender heart. Plan more time for rest and quiet if that's what you need, or extra time with people who are loving and supportive if that helps you recharge.

Self-care is a very important part of healing from grief!

3. Refuse to feel guilty because you can't or don't feel like trying to "do it all".

Your life has taken a detour and what was normal for you before, isn't normal now. You're in the process of grieving what was lost and building a new normal - these things take time.

If you spend energy feeling guilty, you are robbing yourself of the energy you need to heal. There's nothing to feel ashamed of if you need to scale things back, or even avoid holiday events altogether. Let people know you're grieving and that it's too painful right now, but that you appreciate being remembered and that you will deeply miss being there.

Most will try to be understanding. They may encourage you to attend, but that doesn't mean you have to. Do what you can and give yourself permission to slow down.

4. "But I have kids who need me to make the holidays special."

Work to strike a balance between meeting your needs and theirs. According to The Dougy Center, children grieve differently than adults. They need support, attention and love as well. Talk to them about how sad you all are and ask them to help decide how to honor the loved one who is gone.

Maybe a family member or friend can help out with some of the traditional family activities so you have support and feel less pressure. Perhaps, as a family, you look for ways to help other families who are also sad this season and find ways to serve them.

Use this as an opportunity to discuss the meaning of holidays beyond gifts, parties and decorations.

5. Stick to your routine.

As much as possible, youll want to stick to your normal daily routine.

When things feel overwhelming, keeping your schedule as normal as possible can sometimes help - as long as you're not taking on too much or using it as a way to avoid grieving.

Having structure in your life can help you take things one moment at a time and feel grounded in something familiar.

6. If you don't feel like celebrating.

Not everyone feels this way, but some do. I certainly did. Christmas carols in the stores were enough to have me leaving the store in tears with a half-full cart abandoned in an aisle- never mind having decorations up in the house!

Take comfort in knowing that if this is how you're feeling, it won't always feel like this. Talk to family and friends and let them know what limits you're putting on celebrations for yourself this year. Ask for their support; do what you can, but listen to how you're feeling.

Strive to strike a balance so that you don't shut everyone out and become isolated, which can increase depression and feelings of hopelessness. But, dont overextend yourself either.

7. Get support!

Find a grief support group, reach out to family, friends, or others in your support circle. If you find you are not feeling better, and you're having trouble getting to work, eating or sleeping, find a therapist. A therapist is someone you can talk to that you don't need to take care of or protect. Someone who can sit with you as you cry and work on coming to grips with your loss.

Healing takes time and there is no one way to grieve. Be true to yourself and your feelings, lean on those around you, and know that you can heal and once again find joy in the holidays.

If you want to support someone who is grieving this holiday season, here are some additional tips.
Its toxic: New study says blue light from tech devices can speed up blindness
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A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers. - photo by Herb Scribner
It turns out checking Twitter or Facebook before bed is bad for your health.

A new study from the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can transform molecules in your eyes retina into cell killers.

That process can lead to age-related macular degeneration, which is a leading cause of blindness in the United States, according to the researchs extract.

Blue light is a common issue for many modern Americans. Blue light is emitted from screens, most notably at night, causing sleep loss, eye strain and a number of other issues.

Dr. Ajith Karunarathne, assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry, said our constant exposure to blue light cant be blocked by the lens or cornea.

"It's no secret that blue light harms our vision by damaging the eye's retina. Our experiments explain how this happens, and we hope this leads to therapies that slow macular degeneration, such as a new kind of eye drop, he said.

Macular degeneration is an incurable eye disease that often affects those in their 50s or 60s. It occurs after the death of photoreceptor cells in the retina. Those cells need retinal to sense light and help signal the brain.

The research team found blue light exposure created poisonous chemical molecules that killed photoreceptor cells

"It's toxic. If you shine blue light on retinal, the retinal kills photoreceptor cells as the signaling molecule on the membrane dissolves," said Kasun Ratnayake, a Ph.D. student researcher working in Karunarathne's cellular photo chemistry group. "Photoreceptor cells do not regenerate in the eye. When they're dead, they're dead for good."

However, the researchers found a molecule called alpha-tocopherol, which comes from Vitamin E, can help prevent cell death, according to Futurism.

The researchers plan to review how light from TVs, cellphones and tablet screens affect the eyes as well.

"If you look at the amount of light coming out of your cellphone, it's not great but it seems tolerable," said Dr. John Payton, visiting assistant professor in the UT Department of Chemistry and Biochemistry. "Some cellphone companies are adding blue-light filters to the screens, and I think that is a good idea."

Indeed, Apple released a Night Shift mode two years ago to help quell blue lights strain on the eyes, according to The Verge. The screen will dim into a warmer, orange light that will cause less stress on the eyes.