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Its what you dont see
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Ever have one of those days when you do something that makes you feel so foolish you might never want to go out in public again?

Ay carumba.

I had such a day this week.

Normally, I feel like I’m on top of things and my brain seems to fit all the little cogs on the hamster wheel.

Every once in awhile, though ... just eeeeevvvvvery now and then, a major brain fart comes along and screws up the whole works.

I’d been holding onto an ad insert from the Sunday paper, something I never do. Ever. But there was an indoor cycle on sale, and the price was almost to good to pass up.

I figured I could at least get my fat behonkus on it out on the back patio, rather than parading my ample cheeks around town. You know, sometimes your hiney just doesn’t look good on a bike seat no matter what you wear.


I pulled the insert out of the pile of papers on my desk and, lo and behold, little did I realize that right next to the ad for the indoor cycle was an ad for half off the kind of boots Hubs has to wear to work.

He was quite excited at the prospect of getting a big ol’ pair of boots for half price, so on his day off we trucked on over to the sporting goods store. He pulled out a box of boots and tried them on, and happy with the fit, tucked the box under his arm.

I’d gone over to the cycle I had seen advertised and noticed that the sale price tag wasn’t dangling from the handlebars.

I pulled out the ad, checked the item out and yep, same one. Hmm.

What I hadn’t really thought about was that it was the type of cycle someone who does bike racing for a living (or a full time hobby) might use. Not for me.

We got to the checkout and I handed over the coupon. The sales girl looked at us both like we were high and said, “Uh ... this insert isn’t for this store.”

I looked at Hubs and then looked back at her and said, “This is the store, right?” indicating the name across the top of the ad.

She nodded and said, “Yeah, but...” and held up the ad, running her finger across the big banner that both Hubs and I had overlooked.


It was for the grand opening of a store 25 miles down the road.

Hubs asked if they would honor the sale price anyway, so she turned to the store manager who was standing close by, but he acted totally annoyed to be interrupted during his sale of two sets of golf clubs.

He moved his ear piece out of the way and said, “No. I don’t think so.”

So, Hubs put the lid back on the box and said, “Well, OK. I don’t want ’em then.”

They didn’t even try to make the sale.

We walked out of the store and I said, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty stupid right now.”

Hubs was mad.

“I do too, and that’s what I’m so mad about. How did both of us not notice that banner across the top of page?”

I shrugged and laughed.

He said, “Don’t throw that ad away, though! It’s good till next weekend, and we might drive down there one night after work anyway, ’cause that’s a really good deal on those boots!”

 The insert has been added back to the pile on my desk.

I thought about the whole scenario later and said, “You know, either I’m losing my mind or someone is playing tricks on me. I had that insert for a whole week and never saw that banner across the top. Am I just a dope?”

“No. It was one of those situations that was ‘too good to be true.’ We overlooked it in our greed to get a good deal!”

OK. I’ll accept that.

It was kind of like the feeling I had the day before that, when I took The Kid down to his favorite Thai restaurant to pick up an order of fried rice. He was using his own money and hadn’t been feeling well, but the only thing he wanted to eat was some fried rice. I make a pretty decent fried rice, but he had a hankering for the real deal.

We drove over to fetch it and had a chat with our sweet lady friend, Nuun, and were heading out the door when a group of about four or five young folks walked in and pretended that I didn’t exist.

Not like I needed the Red Sea to part or anything, but the doorway isn’t very wide to begin with and I was exiting. They just basically walked right over me, not saying “Excuse me” or anything, and I instantly got irritated, saying something caustic as I made my way past them. Rude buggers.

The Kid had gone out ahead of me and witnessed the whole thing, brief as it was.

“What was up with that? I thought they were gonna knock you down!”

“Me too! It was like I wasn’t even there ... like I was invisible.”

It’s a strange feeling.

Kinda like when you pull out onto a street and you see no traffic coming in either direction so you make the turn and then look in the rearview to see a car riding your bumper.

Where the heck did they come from?

I want to explain it away as being a trick of nature. That makes more sense to me than the fact that I might just be losing my mind.

I’ll wait till Nov. 6 to do that officially.