We all use body language to support what we say and feel, whether we are conscious of it or not. Much body language is used without our conscious minds even being aware of it; that is why those who handle Human Resource matters and others who conduct interviews for a living have to be able to translate what they see others doing with their bodies, as well as what they are saying with their mouths. You may find the ability to accurately read body language very useful in your personal and professional life as well, so here are 9 tips for reading body language:
1. Scratching the hair. The top of your head is considered sacred in many societies. In most others it is reserved for hats. If you are with someone who constantly scratches the top of his or her head, they are trying to tell you that: (A. They have fleas; (B. Someone dropped a piece of toast on their head; or (C. They actually want to run their hand through your hair, but are too shy to try it – you gorgeous thing, you!
2. Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. This is a sure sign that the person you are with is trying to swallow a ping pong ball. Why they would want to do such a thing is not really your concern. As a fellow human being you should simply be concerned with helping them achieve their goal by gently putting your hands around their neck and giving it a firm squeeze. This will normally force the ping pong ball down the esophagus in easy stages. If you are dealing with a woman, please remember that they do not have Adam’s apples, so what you are seeing is probably a space alien parasite trying to dig its way out, and you should run away screaming.
3. Shoulders flung back. This person, sadly, thinks he or she is wearing a cape. They are completely delusional and should be either locked up or sent to Congress.
4. Twiddling the thumbs. This person thinks they are a washing machine. Quick, pour a cup of detergent into their lap, add a load of whites, and get your laundry done for free!
5. Arms folded over chest. This person is feeling skeptical, defensive, closed, or wants to play mummy.
6. Arms akimbo. In the past this pose was considered the classic posture of those who are angry. In today’s calorie-sodden world it means someone is desperately trying to push down their love handles, nothing more.
7. Crossing the legs. This person is waiting for the doctor to tap their knee cap with a little rubber hammer. Or maybe doctors don’t do that anymore; they’re too high and mighty for any kind of grunt work and have the poor overworked nurse do it instead. Boy, does that make me want to swallow a ping pong ball!
8. Tapping the toes. This person is impatient, or may be about to break into a tap dance. If the latter, clear the floor and get Ginger Rogers!
9. Shaking all over. IT’S AN EARTHQUAKE, DUMMY! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!
Tim lives in Provo, Utah. He dreams constantly about going back to live and teach in Thailand, where he lived for 5 years. He has put his dream into prose form here:http://www.gofundme.com/cmbn6w
