I am not one to make fun of “seniors” as they toddle around with their canes, walkers, and some in wheelchairs.
Hey, if you can get around by any means and you’re still breathing, you’re all right by me.
My great auntie is 100, and the woman can kick it. She does a little dance now and then, plays piano, loves the crossword puzzles, and goes gambling the minute someone mentions “slots.”
My next door neighbor, Miss Annie, is 93 and she gets around better than I do. Her memory is not perfect but her skin is.
She still often comments that her mother made the best stuffed cabbage. I’m sure she did and that’s why her skin is still so magnificent.
I’ve taken a few whoopsie daisies over the last couple of years and have fallen hard on my bottom. Kinda like something you might see on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” and laughed at, even though you were thinking, ‘Now that’s gotta hurt!’
Fortunately, my most recent tumble came when I tripped over a bag of groceries and mercifully did not smack headlong into the doorframe.
I managed to catch myself and fall backwards, landing nice and softly on a loaf of bread and package of Thomas’s English muffins.
Thank goodness for those nooks and crannies. It was almost like landing on a pillow.
The Kid stood there breathless for a second, looking at me, scared that I really done it this time.
When I started laughing after rolling off the sack of goods, he finally let go of the breath he’d been holding.
“Wow, Mom, you’d have really been hurt if that had been a box of Little Debbies!”
You said it, boy.
Hurt and disappointed if it had been a crushed box of Swiss Cake Rolls.
Anyway, as I have had these “series of unfortunate events” take place, it’s taken a toll on my lower back and hips.
I don’t need a walker yet, but I do walk funny.
Not quite like Walter Brennan, but it’s close.
I decided I needed to take action and git ta gittin’, so I signed up for a “Gentle Exercise” class through the continuing education center.
The class is held at an independent living facility, which is comprised of low-cost senior housing. It’s a lovely little place.
One of the gals who was taking the class is blind.
As we were watching our instructor go through the movements on her “stage,” we were following suit except for the poor blind gal.
“What are you doing now?” she hollered, “I can’t see!”
Hard not to laugh, trust me.
So I went over to her chair and took her hands and showed her the motions we were doing.
I realized she had a hearing aid, so the instructor’s descriptive how-to was not helping her much because she couldn’t hear her very well.
At one point, there was an arm movement that consisted of positioning the arms to the side and the instructor said, “Put your hands up in the ‘stick ‘em up’ position ... you know, like you’re being held up at gunpoint.”
I guess she assumed we’d all been in that position at some point in our lives.
The blind woman was standing with her hands at her side, like a penguin.
“I don’t know what that is,” she hollered again, “I don’t even know what a gun looks like!”
It really was funny because we all just assumed she “knew” about these things.
Oh ... that’s right. She’s blind.
Everyone was taking turns helping her out, even one of the day workers at the facility came in.
Then there was an exercise where I had to help her touch one hand to each knee, as we were standing for this particular exercise.
The blind woman is not a petite woman, let me put it to you that way.
She started marching all over the room, with those hands hitting her knees as the other senior women moved walkers and chairs out of her way.
It was almost riotous, and I could not quit laughing, even as I held on to her sweatshirt.
I finally had to put my arms around her — no easy feat — to get her to stop.
The instructor, who is just as sweet as all get out, was beet red from laughing behind her towel.
Finally, the class was over and the blind woman said, “Wow! That was really fun!”
I told her that yes, it was really fun, and handed her her purse and her walking stick.
She got that stick out and tapped her way right out of that room with no problem.
I was surprised to learn, however, that the gal who had the motorized wheelchair was upset because she felt the blind woman was disruptive.
Well, I have to allow her that, because I know if the blind woman had gotten loose and somehow fell on her, it would have been a disaster.
But it definitely would have made history on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”