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Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
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I’ve never been one to be all into romance or anything, which is probably why I ended up marrying Hubs.

With Valentine’s Day looming just around the corner, everyone asks what he’s going to get me for Valentine’s Day.

That day also happens to be our anniversary.


’Cause he said it was the only way he’d remember what day our anniversary fell on.

I usually get him the same thing every year, because I know it’s exactly what he wants. A box of See’s candies and/or a big bag of Lindt chocolates. I can make one Lindt chocolate last a week, Hubs tosses them in his mouth like they’re popcorn.

They are so chocolatey and sweet, I don’t know how he does it.

He is not picky about the flavor, either.

It could miss his mouth and roll under the couch, picking up dust bunnies and cobwebs, and he wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Pop! Goes the weasel, right down his gullet.

Some people are not into dark chocolate, some folks do not dig on milk chocolate. Or flavored chocolate. Or filled chocolate.

Hubs is non-discriminatory.

Any flavor, any filling will do.

As far as his gifts for me, I have just learned to shrug it off.

I don’t get excited about it, I don’t have to think too hard about it, I just try to ignore it all together.

I am not a sentimental old fool, nor do I go ga-ga over mushy cards.

I prefer a card that makes me laugh, especially if it’s a bit sick or twisted.


What is Hubs gonna get me for Valentine’s Day ... or rather, our anniversary...?

Let me see....

Well, it could be any number of things because I just never really know where his mind is on that particular day.

One year I got a box of hair coloring and some hair gel.

Hint. Hint.

Another year he bought me a new dish drainer (the plastic kind) from The Dollar Tree. He also got me a coffee mug, a bag of cookies from Czechoslovakia, and a Jumbo Crossword Puzzle book.

Hmmm ... what else ....

One year he got me a T-shirt. It had something to do with Harley Davidson, but did not say “Genuine Harley Jugs” on it, fortunately.

I still have no idea where he got it, probably down at the Goodwill store. Not that there is anything wrong with that but, I mean, come on. We are talkin’ Hubs here.

He did buy me a box of candy one year.

Another “not sure where it came from” story.

Dark chocolate orange jelly-filled sticks.

Two of my least favorite flavors when it comes to chocolate.

I took the top off the box, put the box on the coffee table, and threw the empty box away an hour later after The Kid and Hubs had polished them off.

I do not even have to yell, “Heeeeere boy! Come on! Heeeeeere boy!” — if it’s out, it’s gone.

One year he gave me his credit card and said, “Go buy yourself a nice outfit.”

I looked at the credit card, then back at him.

“K-mart or Walmart?” I asked.

“No, this time you can go to Dress Barn or Macy’s ... whatever you find.”

It was a rare treat at that time, and of course, it was early in the marriage.

I got two nice outfits, both on sale, and was able to wear them about three times each.

Hey, I lived in the backwoods in the middle of nowhere, so I didn’t have much occasion to wear them. I have photos of me in them to remember them by.

Last year, if I remember correctly, I got flowers.

He and the gal at the grocery store had to cobble something together out of what she had left in her flower bins, but they lasted about two weeks, so it was a nice change.

One year we went to a motorcycle ride-in.

That was not for me, of course, but for him. I just played along.

Hubs doesn’t have a motorcycle, but he has some seriously awful motorcycle apparel. I don’t know why, he just thinks the fringed black leather vest makes him look cool. And it probably did at one time, for about an hour.

It’s now in a box with the black suit he wore when he was 20 that he refuses to part with.

“I might be able to wear it again someday...!”

“Yes. You might. I’ll lay it on top of your dead body in the casket. No one will ever know.”

I did ask, once, to be taken out to breakfast as an anniversary treat.

I knew right where I wanted to go, even if it was 10 miles away.

We got to the restaurant and I was happy as a clam to not be the one cookin’ up vittles that morning.

Service was slow, the waitress ignored us because we were over the age of 25, and Hubs grumbled the entire time we were there.

He kept looking at his watch and threatening to leave if we didn’t get served right quick.

It was not a pleasant experience, even after our food came.

We’ve since had to cross it off our list.

We’re now down to McDonald’s and Hardee’s.

Trusted names in fast, efficient service.

So! What is momma gonna get for Valentine’s Day/Anniversary this year?

It doesn’t really matter, because it will probably come from the Mexican 99-cent store down the street.

If it’s a pinata, I’ll be happy.

I’ll get to beat on it till something good comes out of it.