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Top 10 things not to give on Fathers Day
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In the old days before cell phones and national calling plans, telephone companies reported that the largest number of “collect” calls were made on Father’s Day. For the younger generation who don’t know what I’m talking about, that means Dad got a call and he had to pay for it!

Which caused me to wonder… what are the worst things a man could get for Father’s Day? Drum roll, please. Here it is … the top 10 things you should NOT give Dad for Father’s Day.

10. Necktie

9. “World’s Best Dad” coffee mug

8. “World’s Best Dad” T-shirt with a picture of Darth Vader

7. “World’s Best Dad” certificate signed by a Lazy Son or Daughter

6. The book, Fatherhood for Dummies.

5. A text message saying “Happy Father’s Day.”

4. Nose and ear hair trimmer

3. Big Mouth Billy the Bass singing fish

2. Book a cruise and charge it to Dad’s credit card.

1. Nothing.

Yep. Nothing. The worst gift of all is to forget Father’s Day and fail to call or say anything about it. Even a text message is better than nothing at all.

Having said that, what are the best gifts a Dad could get? From my informal survey of men, here’s my list of the Top Ten Best Gifts for Father’s Day.

10. Gear for his favorite hobby: golf clubs, fishing gear, etc.

9. Tickets to go with him to his favorite sports event

8. Spend the day with him at the beach or a park.

7. Write a letter telling your Dad why he’s the best.

6. Tell Dad “thank you” for all the things he does, and list what those things are

5. Pray for him every day and call him at least once a week and tell him you’re praying for him.

4. Give him a hug and tell him, “I love you.”

3. Let him sit in an easy chair and wait on him hand and foot all day long.

2. Bring the grandchildren to visit. (Did I mention that I’m going to be a grandfather?)

1. Accept Christ, and be baptized with your Dad on Father’s Day.

The last verse of the Old Testament prophesies, “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers.” (Malachi 4:6, HCSB) It doesn’t get any better than that!

(Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read my blog at www.holyhumor.blogspot.com.)

Is there a church for a big woman with an itch?
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A pastor was called to be guest preacher at a church. He knew this church was different when the congregation ended every line of the hymn with the shout of “yeehah!”


As he stood to preach, he noticed that people were spread out on the pews. He would see a person, then a space, then another person, and another space. He wondered why nobody sat next to another person, when he noticed on the pew beside each person was a cowboy hat.


Another time this same preacher was invited to a new church in the city. He was surprised to see that everybody there looked like they had fallen face first into a tackle box, because they had piercings and earrings on every part of the body imaginable. A rock band was playing alternative music on the stage.


As different as these two churches were, they were both growing and reaching people for Christ.


Years ago I was pastor of a small country church in the backwoods of Mississippi. There was another Baptist church just five miles away in the town (population 600). The pastor’s wife at the town church asked me, “Why don’t our two churches merge?” I said, “There are people in my church who would not feel comfortable or fit in at your town church.” She said, “Oh, come on. We’re a small town church. What could be so different?”


I said, “Well, I got one really big woman in my church who, when she gets to feeling an itch, she pulls her dress halfway up and she scratches herself.”


The eyes of this pastor’s wife got really big and she said, “I see what you mean.”


I forgot to tell her about another woman in my church who saw a roach running across the wood floor, so she stomped on it with her bare foot, laughed and shouted, “Aha! I got him!”


Yep, the culture was definitely different where I was pastor.


Jesus upset the religious establishment because He crossed cultural barriers. He loved to eat with tax collectors and Gentiles and other strange people. Jesus walked into the land of Samaria, full of half-breed Jews who worshiped in weird ways and talked different and smelled different.


Jesus walked right up to a Samaritan woman at a well and started talking her language. He accepted her culture, but he let her know her sinful lifestyle had to change. Soon she had the whole town following Jesus (see John 4).


So what cultural barrier is keeping somebody in your community from hearing the gospel? If you tear down the cultural barriers to share Christ in your neighborhood, you may hear the angels shouting, “Yeehah!”


Copyright 2014 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday in the Herald. Visit my blog at www.bobrogers.me.