Once I led a funeral procession, driving my pickup truck. A guest at the funeral, who was from Canada, was surprised to see a pickup truck at the head of a funeral procession, instead of a Cadillac or Lincoln or some other traditional lead car. She asked a family member, “Who was that?” The family member proudly said, “That’s our preacher! You’re in Effingham County, Georgia!”

 

That pickup truck has a special meaning to me, because of how I got it. My church gave me a love offering to help me make the down payment on the pickup truck that I wanted. They kept the offering a secret and surprised me on my fifth anniversary. They called it “Operation Tailgate.” A guest preacher heard about that and said, “You know your church is a redneck church if you help your pastor buy a truck for his anniversary.”

 

Here are a few more signs of a redneck church that somebody passed along to me:

 

• You know your church is a redneck church if the Finance Committee refuses to buy a chandelier because none of the members know how to play

one.

 

• You know your church is a redneck church if the preacher preaches on how Jesus fed the 5,000, and the people ask if the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ‘em.

 

• You know your church is a redneck church if baptism is referred to as “branding.”

 

• You know your church is a redneck church if one of the main events at the homecoming fellowship is a tobacco-spitting contest.

 

• You know your church is a redneck church if the pastor’s wife has a gun rack in her pickup truck.

 

I’d better stop right there before I get buckshot in my britches.

(Copyright 2010 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday for a mix of religion and humor. For more “Holy Humor,” go to the Web page of First Baptist Church of Rincon at www.fbcrincon.com.)