In previous columns, I discussed what it means to find Mr. or Ms. “Right” and the importance of communication prior to and during a marriage. Below are 10 issues I see as vital in such communication for a soon-to-be-married couple. However, if you are married, keep in mind that these issues do not cease to be important for marital happiness (and success) once your marriage license is signed.

1. Religion. How involved are you both in your religion? If there are differences, will you attend services together, and if so, where? What about the religious affiliation of any children?

2. Children. Do you both want them? Are you sure? If so, how many? If you cannot conceive, are you both open to in-vitro fertilization or adoption, and if so, how long would you try before looking at other options? What will be your parenting styles? Can you work together to present a united front?

3. Home Sweet Home. Where do you want to call home? How important is it to you both to live in a place you like (i.e., more than you like your job)? What kind of house do you both want? If things get tough, could you live with one of the in-laws?

4. Money. Will you share a bank account or keep individual accounts? How will bills be paid? Will there be an emergency fund? How much will be in it? What are the tolerance levels for you both in terms of credit (cards, accounts, etc.)? Will you follow a budget? If so, how will that be decided?

With any extra money, who decides how it will be spent? Are there any expensive hobbies one person enjoys? What if one spouse is out of work or decides to stay home to raise children? What’s your plan for affording that?

5. Chores. Who will cook? Who will do the dishes? Laundry? Yard work? Discuss, plead, negotiate, whatever — but find things you don’t mind doing so that everything can get done. “He never does anything around the house” is an often-cited offense in marriage counseling that could have been discussed prior to the wedding.

6. Intimacy. This is a family newspaper so I will keep it to PG-13. Have you discussed perspectives and needs of intimacy? Does there appear to be compatibility? Most importantly, can you talk about it clearly in case changes need to take place in the future? And how comfortable are you both when it comes to public displays of affection?

7. Family. What expectations are there in terms of visiting the respective families? What do you both have in mind for giving the families equal time during the major holidays? How good is each of you at setting limits with family? How much involvement do or will family members or parents have in your decision making?

8. Career. Will both of you work? How many hours a week? Will it be okay for one of you not to work and under what circumstances? How committed is each of you to your careers? Where are you in terms of your optimal career? Do you have more schooling to finish? Are your levels of ambition compatible?

9. Arguments. How do you handle differences? Do spirited discussions always turn into fights, and if so, why? Can you both agree to discuss feelings and differences openly? And what are “hot button” topics that should be avoided to keep an argument from getting ugly?

10. Forgiveness. After a situation in which one person is hurt, how will forgiveness take place? Are you both committed to forgiveness being part of your marriage? What things do you both consider so grievous that forgiveness may be difficult?

The above ten issues are in no particular order of importance; they are all vital discussion points and any one could negatively affect the joy a marriage should bring. However, if you’d like to know the most common areas of conflict for couples, they are numbers 4 and 6.

For me, of course, number 1 drives everything else. It is the responsibility of the Church to prepare a man and woman to live together in the loving covenant of marriage until death do them part. If God is part of that mix, any problems that arise are much easier to solve.