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The mother of all visits
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I’ve been known to do some unusual things in my life.

Well, unusual being a term I use whereas others might say “crazy.”

I try not to take much for granted but it’s amazing how much I do. I think we all do.

So when I offered Granny the opportunity to come and visit for a week, I was really offering with good intentions.

Little did I realize that I was unconsciously hoping she would say, “No.”

Rather, I sort of expected her to. That was what I was taking for granted: her steadfast refusal to do anything outside the confines of her independent living facility.

I made the offer, sent her a card outlining the details of the trip, telling her to get her gear ready so she’d be ready at a moment’s notice.

I emailed my sister in-law so that she would be up to snuff on all the plan making and didn’t hear from either of them for about a week.

I thought, “Well, goodie, maybe I’m off the hook.”

Silly me.

Sister-in-law emailed me last night, expressing Granny’s near giddiness at the prospect of “getting out of town” for a while.

I’m sure it’s a relief to sister in-law too, as she is the main overseer of Granny’s life.

Funny how Granny is Hubs’ mother, yet he has so little involvement.

His comment was, “Well, you know she won’t come. Not chance in Hades she’ll leave that apartment.”

I knocked on the shower door this morning while he was in there singing, “Help Me, Rhonda” and said, “You’re gonna need some help from Rhonda all right when you hear this!”

He turned the water off and cracked open the door.

“God. What. Is my mother coming?”

I laughed and said, “How did you guess?”

“’Cause it looks like you’ve been banging your forehead on the brick wall outside.”


He grabbed a towel and said, “I’ll put in for more overtime.”

“Oh. That’s nice. Thanks a lot!”

He laughed and said, “You know my mother. We all know my mother. I don’t know if I’ll be able to be nice to her for a whole week. She drives me nuts!”

I said, “Well, do you want me to cancel?”

“Oh no ... no, no ... we’re already the ones who ‘never do anything for her.’ I want her to come here so she can see there is life outside of that crappy little apartment she was so eager to move into and now cries about every time I speak to her on the phone.”

I nodded, exiting the bathroom so he could get dressed for work.

“You know, she may change her mind when she starts thinking about all the little things she has to have on a daily basis,” he called from the bathroom.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Well, she’s gotta have her oxygen and her high toilet seat and her shoe lifts and her cane and her hairdresser and her ... you know ... her hidden bags of chocolate everywhere...!”

I said, “And I will need to figure out when her shows are on ... you know how she is lost if she can’t watch her shows.”

Hubs came out of the bathroom, tucking his workshirt into the company-supplied navy Dickies and said, “She’s gonna drive me nuts.”

“You? You’ll be working the whole time. You’ll come home, have a bite to eat, and be in bed before the sun goes down like you do every night!”

He laughed and said, “What are you gonna do with her?”

“Oh Lordy, I have lots of stuff scheduled. I’m gonna keep her so busy she’ll sleep for a week when she gets home!” I said, holding up a mug of hot steaming coffee.

“I don’t know why you hate me so much,” he said, shaking his head as he sat down to put his work boots on.

“Whatchewtalkinbout, Willis? Why you say dat?”

He stopped tying the laces and lifted his head.

“First your sister for a week, then my mother ... back to back ... I may ask to work double shifts cause it’s gonna be double crazy around here.”

“Well, like I said, we’ll hardly see you with all the runnin’ around we’ll be doing.”

He got up and walked over to the window, peering through the blinds at the house across the street.

“I may ask Burt to leave that tent up in his front yard. I’ll need a place to sleep.”

That’s what I mean about taking advantage of things.

I took it for granted that Hubs would be happy about having ‘comp’ny’.

“Leave...” he said, “having ‘comp’ny’ leave.”

Then he sighed and said, “Well, I’ve never been a drinkin’ man, but that doesn’t mean it’s not too late to start.”

I’m chillin’ a bottle for him.

Just in case.