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Slam dunks in church
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We recently went through “March Madness,” the time when basketball fans get excited about the college playoffs.

We have “March Madness” in church, too. According to Matt Tullos, lots of sports terms fit in church. Basketball has an “alley-oop.” In church, an “alley-oop” would be when the singer sings an incredible song that relates to the sermon and the preacher slams it home. But be careful, as church can also have an “alley-oops,” as when the pastor preaches a sermon on adultery and then the soloist sings, “Why Not Tonight?”

Basketball also has a “slam-dunk.” In church, a “slam-dunk” happens when the pastor loses his grip in the baptistry. There is also a foul called a “double-dribble.” In church, this is when the Lord’s Supper juice glasses are cracked.

Football has a “blitz.” In church, a “blitz” is when a 20 people rush the associate pastor five minutes before the service, each with an announcement that must be made. Football also has a “screen pass.” In church, a “screen pass” is when the pastor plans to use a clip from a Disney movie and then chickens out. Then there is the “illegal use of the hands” foul. This happens in more formal churches when charismatic worship is practiced. Then there is the “two-minute warning.” In church, this is when the pastor slows down his sermon with the words, “Finally, brothers and sisters...”

Baseball has the term “stealing home.” In church this is when a member slips out the back door during the invitation. Another baseball term is a “pinch hitter.” In church, this is when a visiting preacher steps up to the pulpit.

My favorite sports term is a “sacrifice.” This is done by a baseball player who allows himself to get out in order to advance a runner or even bring a runner home. And this is what Jesus did for us on the cross, getting “out” in order to advance us to our eternal “home” in Heaven. He had to do this because all of us have a “batting average” that is below .500 (we are sinners who often strike out) and we aren’t good enough to get to Heaven on our own good deeds. Thank God, that even in the bottom of the ninth, with two outs, we can make a comeback and win the victory through faith in Jesus Christ!

That’s the message of the Easter season, when “March Madness” turns into “April Gladness.”

(Copyright 2011 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. For more “Holy Humor,” visit the Web site of First Baptist Church of Rincon at www.fbcrincon.com.)

Is there a church for a big woman with an itch?
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A pastor was called to be guest preacher at a church. He knew this church was different when the congregation ended every line of the hymn with the shout of “yeehah!”


As he stood to preach, he noticed that people were spread out on the pews. He would see a person, then a space, then another person, and another space. He wondered why nobody sat next to another person, when he noticed on the pew beside each person was a cowboy hat.


Another time this same preacher was invited to a new church in the city. He was surprised to see that everybody there looked like they had fallen face first into a tackle box, because they had piercings and earrings on every part of the body imaginable. A rock band was playing alternative music on the stage.


As different as these two churches were, they were both growing and reaching people for Christ.


Years ago I was pastor of a small country church in the backwoods of Mississippi. There was another Baptist church just five miles away in the town (population 600). The pastor’s wife at the town church asked me, “Why don’t our two churches merge?” I said, “There are people in my church who would not feel comfortable or fit in at your town church.” She said, “Oh, come on. We’re a small town church. What could be so different?”


I said, “Well, I got one really big woman in my church who, when she gets to feeling an itch, she pulls her dress halfway up and she scratches herself.”


The eyes of this pastor’s wife got really big and she said, “I see what you mean.”


I forgot to tell her about another woman in my church who saw a roach running across the wood floor, so she stomped on it with her bare foot, laughed and shouted, “Aha! I got him!”


Yep, the culture was definitely different where I was pastor.


Jesus upset the religious establishment because He crossed cultural barriers. He loved to eat with tax collectors and Gentiles and other strange people. Jesus walked into the land of Samaria, full of half-breed Jews who worshiped in weird ways and talked different and smelled different.


Jesus walked right up to a Samaritan woman at a well and started talking her language. He accepted her culture, but he let her know her sinful lifestyle had to change. Soon she had the whole town following Jesus (see John 4).


So what cultural barrier is keeping somebody in your community from hearing the gospel? If you tear down the cultural barriers to share Christ in your neighborhood, you may hear the angels shouting, “Yeehah!”


Copyright 2014 by Bob Rogers. Email: brogers@fbcrincon.com. Read this column each Friday in the Herald. Visit my blog at www.bobrogers.me.